LHB Blog

A girl, a blog and a cactus named Pudding

Anything, everything and nothing

**Not sure if this needs a trigger warning or not but I always like to throw one out here just in case**

Alternative title: I’m sorry I haven’t been here much … I’ve been a little unwell … In fact, I’ve been a rather muddled mess! 

It’s been a while since I last posted on here; I hadn’t forgotten my little place on the internet or the words I have poured into it, I didn’t want to leave it neglected and to disappear into the ether, but I also didn’t feel like I could be here either … Recently my Anxiety, Depression, OCD, OCPD and Grief have all been taking turns to squish my insides, they’ve turned my thoughts into poison, my brain into a traitor and left me distraught at the prospect of another day walking with one or more of those demons clawing at me.

I needed the time out from here to heal up a bit.

I needed the time out from here to focus on what I needed.

I needed the time out from here to ask for help.

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Hair Straighteners – An OCD Nightmare!

Alternative title: Messy hair don’t care! … Oh wait no, I do care … I care a flaming lot as it happens! Because it may avert a bitch-fest, I say may I’m 99.999999% sure it won’t. 

“Are you sure the straighteners are unplugged?” my brain mutters as we shuffle down the M6.

“Pretty sure … In fact, I didn’t even use the straighteners this morning!” I mutter back.

“Are you sure? I remember you straightening your hair this morning” my brain clearly hasn’t noticed that my hair is in a very messy bun that is probably harbouring pigeons and squirrels “you know they’ll set the house on fire right? They’ll start with the carpet and then the wallpaper and then the -”

“Brain … No … We didn’t use the straighteners, they are not on, they are not even plugged in, they are-” I may as well be shouting at a wall at this point.

“Is that a fire engine?! Shit, THE HOUSE! Turn around, TURN ROUND RIGHT NOW! Oh geez, my Stephen King collection! TURN AROUND DAMNIT!”

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Doctor Google and the Stomach Ulcer

Alternative title (aka Spoiler alert): It’s not a stomach ulcer … Well … I don’t think it’s a stomach ulcer! I mean, Doctor Google says “heck yeah” whereas my GP says “we need to stick a camera somewhere unpleasant” … Maybe Doctor Google is playing devil’s advocate, maybe my GP just likes to scare my guts into behaving (or likes to stick cameras in – or rather up – people’s jacksies), who knows! All I know is that gut ache is rubbish and I don’t like this diet plan it’s imposed on me (for goodness sake, I just want a chocolate orange cupcake sprinkled with custard creams with a cuppa tea, that’s no reason for my stomach to be annoyed, right? RIGHT?!).  

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Gym Bunny Rue

Alternative title : I officially suck at pull ups … I’m more likely to bust a blood vessel in my noggin a la “Stressed Eric” than manage one of those! Yet here I am, scheduled in for 3 gym session a week, in which pull ups are involved (so says my training plan) … Or rather, holding onto the bars, legs kicking about in effort and trying to move upwards while I make an odd “meeeeehhhhhhhhh” sound but not really accomplishing much more than like a centimetre! Urgh! 

Since losing both my dad and my uncle in the space of 6 months my brain has suddenly become focused on the fact that I haven’t been taking particularly good care of my own health … Skip a thyroid tablet, eh I’ll remember tomorrow! (Not the best of ideas given how forgetful I can be in the mornings). Skip a meal, eh I’ll eat later! (Or not). Skip meditation, eh I’ll be fine I’m not that stressed! (While chewing my way through all my nails … Well, except toe nails, not quite as flexible anymore what with skipping some Yoga classes).

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