LHB Blog

A girl, a blog and a cactus named Pudding

The Lotus Pose

Alternative title : I achieved my life goal of becoming a pretzel and now I can retire to live by the sea and eat sand or some other shit that happens when life-goals are conquered … Wait, is eating sand part of a balanced diet now? Which food group would it even be in? Argh! 

Brain : “Stop! Where are you trying to put that foot?!”

Me : “Over by my thigh … ”

Brain : “Over by your … What? Why?!”

Me : “I’m trying to go full Lotus here!”

Brain : ” … What the heck is wrong with you?”

Me : “There. See! We managed it! We managed full Lotus! Aren’t you excited? This is awesome!”

Brain : “If I had a mouth I would have been sick into it … How has the knee not popped or … Actually it doesn’t matter. I don’t want to know. Don’t come crying to me if you’re now stuck you absolute tool”

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The OCD Experiment

Alternative title : Because sometimes dealing with OCD is like smashing yourself in the face with a frying pan … Repeatedly.

 

Brain : “Where do you think you’re going? You can’t just leave the car there … You need to at least check that it’s locked”

Me : “It’s locked … We heard it click. We can see the handle has moved. It’s locked. And it’s parked under a CCTV camera, on the work’s car park, in a bay bigger than most. It’s fine”

Brain : “You’re not listening to me! It’s NOT safe! We can’t just walk away from it!”

Me : “I shouldn’t even be going through this mental check … It’s locked! End of story!”

Brain : “It’s NOT! IT’S NOT SAFE! You only think that it is but it isn’t and someone will steal it and take it joy riding and hit someone and that person will die and it will be all YOUR FAULT because I told you it wasn’t safe and you wouldn’t check it and you are being negligent!…  Stop walking and check the damned door! I’M SERIOUS!”

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Run Ruebi Run

Alternative title: When I was younger I had this dream of running a marathon before I reached the age of 30 … It’s safe to say that didn’t happen considering I’m now 31 and I am still a marathon / half-marathon virgin. I get tired running up the stairs for crying out loud … Which is part of the reason I own a house with a downstairs crapper.

I’ve always had a love-hate relationship with running … That said I think I’ve had a love-hate relationship with most forms of exercise. But for some reason I always end up returning to running, determined to be better, determined to break my own expectations of my bodies capabilities … Proving it is stronger than I give it credit for. Proving it is not going to vomit at the sight of running shoes (well, much … Maybe a bit of dry retching).

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Puzzle Pieces

Alternative title : I’m sure there is a sadistic asshole who removes one of the central pieces from jigsaws in order to test the recipients patience … I mean, it’s all well and good having everything else in order but if you can’t complete it you kinda feel like you’re missing something significant, even if it is just Snoopy’s inane grin. 

If you read my last post you’ll be aware that I’ve been a little bit up shit creak without a paddle recently … My Mental Health has taken a nose dive and my Migraines have taken that opportunity to thoroughly kick my backside. There is nothing quite like being blind in your right eye at 4am while your Anxiety runs through a multitude of possible reasons for it (courtesy of Google’s Guide to Self Diagnosing) while the actual cause (the sneaky Migraine) smirks away in the darkness at the ensuing panic … Loki has nothing on those evil cretins!

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