LHB Blog

A girl, a blog and a cactus named Pudding

Hello World!

Alternative title: Testing, testing … Is this thing on? Hello? What’s that? We’re live you say? … Hell to the yeah! Ay up lovelies, LHB Blog has internet again! Woop woop! Are we ready to talk about boobs and Yoga? … Yes? Fabulous!

As you read this chances are I am in Ashtanga class, learning how to breathe through boobs, during a shoulder stand … I should point out that they are my own boobs, not those of a stranger, because that would be one very weird (and wrongly advertised) Yoga class. Nobody ever mentioned that going into a shoulder stand would mean I was suddenly going to be eye to eye with nipples so it’s been a bit of a shock to the system (mostly for my windpipe)! How do ladies who have substantial boobage manage those poses? Even with an industrial strength sports bra I’m finding that Pinky and Perky have a murderous side when tipped upside down! (Especially Perky … That one is the leader, I’m sure of it!)

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Grab a cuppa – it’s time for a catch up

Alternative title: As we head into the start of the Euro’s Ruebi and M are still without Internet … They are starting to believe they will never again experience the wonders of Netflix, of Youtube and of FML. They are also starting to believe that watching the cat take a crap is far more exciting than the various soap dramas that bombard their senses from “normal” TV channels. Seriously, less sex takes place in brothels than it does in those programmes.

As the lack of internet is cramping my social media style I thought I’d give you an update as to what the heck has been happening when I haven’t been crying face down on the floor because I totally have no idea what’s going down in “Pretty Little Liars” … In fact, I haven’t even started watching it yet, I just know all the characters quite intimately from all the conversations my work colleagues have been having about who is bumping uglies with whom and who is a “total bitch”.

They don’t seem to have a “spoiler” filter at that place!

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Home Sweet Home

Alternative title: I have acquired so much tat and crap in all my years on this earth that I am standing amongst the ruins of many a textbook, items of clothing and magazines filled with bullpoop on how to lose weight with the dawning realisation that I am going to need another skip. 

I am practically on first name terms with the guys and gals at our local recycling plant, I rock up with my car filled to the brim with 1980’s newspapers and an assortment of garments I haven’t worn since I was last out of my tree on Cider and Black (ah, the drink of champions) or bladdered on red wine (which is the drink of sophisticated champions  … Who like to ride bucking broncos and drink cocktails out of bartenders trousers … I was a student ok!).

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Moving House

Alternative title: We have the keys! I repeat – WE HAVE THE KEYS! THIS IS NOT A DRILL PEOPLE! 

We also have no internet … I know right?! How archaic! So in the meantime I’m snaffling my parents internet under the pretense of needing to put 31 years worth of shit (not literal shit obviously) into cardboard boxes. Quite frankly it would be a faster process if I didn’t feel the need to read random pages of books I haven’t seen since 1993 that had been hidden away in the backs of various shelving units. I fear I own a library’s worth of literature that I now need to cart about.

I may also have had a moment (or two) in which I started hugging my Molecular Cell Biology book and crying about what might have been if I’d carried on in academia.

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