LHB Blog

A girl, a blog and a cactus named Pudding

Placebo – Manchester

Alternative title: Music … A healer of sorts.

Over the weekend I found out that my dad has a tumour behind one of his eyes, yesterday I found out he also has shadowing on one of his lungs … He is on a 2 week waiting list to find out if either of those is “the big C” (as he can’t bring himself to call it cancer). It feels like a significant part of my world has shifted … A part I don’t want to shift … A shift filled with guttural shrieks of a pain I have never experienced before. A fear I have never experienced before. An anger I have never experienced before. An unknown.

And a need to feel a link to our bond, to ease the hurt of the possibilities … That link for me was Placebo celebrating their 20th Anniversary. That link, for me, was hearing Brian Molko singing “Nancy Boy“. As strange as that may seem.

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OCD 1,2,3

**Ok folks – I’m talking OCD (obviously), body image, a tiny bit about self harm and A LOT about checking … This is your heads up warning!**

Alternative title: My fingers are numb, rain and hail are bouncing off my face mixing with the tears, I’m sobbing … I’m counting … I can’t seem to stop, because it doesn’t feel safe. Because it isn’t safe. Because I can’t feel my fingers the ritual feels broken … I’m hunched over the drivers side door, yanking at the handle … Over and over and over. 

It’s assumed that when you crack the ritual once, that you have cracked the OCD cycle, but it isn’t true. Some days go by without checking being at the forefront of your mind, other days you spiral and find yourself back in that all-consuming place … Stuck in a loop. The need to complete the ritual overriding everything else and panic floods your system with each ritual that fails to complete.

Lost to a cycle of broken rituals.

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Moxibustion Therapy

Alternative title: Is it just me who gets not only a visual aura (personal light show all up in my eyeballs!) but an olfactory one too (the rather pleasant scent of white chocolate!)?  

As part of my ‘Ruebi attempts alternative therapies because Migraines make her want to remove her brain with a spork‘ series I decided to try a hand therapy called Moxibustion … Or rather my Therapist (yep, the same one who tried out Cupping Therapy on me) insisted on giving it a go and me being me, just shrugged and went with the flow!

In my defense I’d started to experience aura en route to her office so she could have said she was going to stick pins in my eyes and I would probably have gone with it.

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Alternative title: Because the last thing you want to do when dealing with a Migraine hangover is having needles stuck in your face right? … Unless you’re called Ruebi of course … In which case you throw that postdrome shit to the wind and try not to hurl during midline scalp Acupuncture!  

So as I mentioned in my post on Cupping Therapy my Therapist wanted to try out Acupuncture for my Migrainey brain and quite frankly, I’m willing to try most things in an attempt to control and/or minimise the frequency of the attacks (as after 15+ years with Migraine I’m not sure if it will ever be possible for me to find a cure for them) … It would however be nice to be able to venture out into the world without quickly finding myself in the prodrome phase without painkillers (nightmare!).

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