LHB Blog

A girl, a blog and a cactus named Pudding

A Spider in the Shower

Alternative title: I have no doubt that had I been constipated prior to the spider encounter I certainly wouldn’t have been afterwards! 

Hot water cascaded through my hair, caressing my neck, trickling down my spine … Goosebumps pimpled my skin as the heat hit my fingers and toes, extremities usually so cold due to Hypothyroidism suddenly rising in temperature. As the aches of the day washed away I reached for the shampoo and there, glaring at my naked frame from behind the bottle, was the biggest spider I have ever seen in my 31 years on this earth.

Obviously I reacted like any rational adult … With much screaming, throwing of the shampoo bottle, expletives and a rather dramatic launching of myself at the shower door. The closed shower door. Multiple times.

After an epic battle with the shower door that even Gandalf the Grey (or Gandalf the White … whichever was the more bad-ass of the two) would have been proud of, I clambered onto the toilet seat, not even waiting for the soft close to finish it’s descent (with a spider in the shower I don’t have time for soft close bog seats) and planted my feet on either side of the bowl like some bunged up toad. Eyes flitting between the shower cubicle and the locked door of the en suite, brain rushing through all the escape plans it could muster (which, quite frankly, were all crap).

I armed myself with a bog roll (yeah, I still have no idea why) as an internal battle waged within me between arming myself with something more substantial than a piece of cardboard and removing the spider from the shower to safely deposit it outside …

Because despite my fear of them, I have no real desire to harm them.

So you can imagine the intense feeling of guilt that consumed every last drop of fear I had as I glanced at the shower cubicle to see a curled up ball circling the drain and disappearing into the depths below.

The spider was gone.

Needless to say I didn’t continue the shower that evening, I didn’t want to risk moving the conditioner! I grabbed a towel, turned the water off and hastily retreated into the bedroom.

“There was a spider in the shower” I muttered to M minutes later, still wet from an attempt at a quick dry.

“I know, I heard you screaming” he replied.

Thanks for the rescue darling …

 

A spider in the shower | LHB Blog

Methinks a couple of these are needed to calm the nerves! (For non-spider related antics check out my Insta!)

 

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again

Spiders!

Just eugh!

R x

PS – I’m off work for the remainder of the week (woop woop!) and as I’m a major horror nut I’m looking for movies to watch so send me some recommendations! Though please don’t recommend “Arachnophobia” or “Eight Legged Freaks” as I’ve already watched those and duly shat my pants.

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8 Comments

  1. I can fully appreciate the beauty and wonder of spiders in the wild, where they belong.

    Come into my house, though, and it’s war.

    • Ruebi

      Even in the wild they freak me out … I’ve climbed trees to escape even the little ones before! At least out there is their own territory though, invading my shower is just rude!

  2. I don’t blame you AT ALL. I don’t mind spiders in principle, but in MY HOME, I’m like incapable. There’s a cabin in the Adirondacks that I go to sometimes, and on one occasion a daddy longlegs was just living in the shower. For the whole weekend. I couldn’t shower. I justified that I’d be getting clean swimming in the lake. Anyways, your story resonated with me because the shower is a totally unfair place for a spider to approach you, because you’re naked and vulnerable. The end!

    • Ruebi

      I know right?! It isn’t even Halloween yet! Surely it should shout “trick or treat” before scaring the crap out of me! It’s totally unfair, I’ve ended up with a bit of a complex about that shower cubicle now … Don’t worry, I’m still showering, I’m also armed with the biggest freaking bottle of conditioner my finest Tesco had to offer!

  3. Well, Gandalf the Grey battled the Balrog, so in my opinion, he is the more badass…badasser? one.

    I hate killing things as well, including spiders, but spiders accosting me whilst naked and vulnerable in the shower, mmm not so sure I wouldn’t do a reflex smushing.

    • Ruebi

      Gandalf the Grey would totally understand my plight then! We could trade battle stories over coffee … Though I imagine he’d look a little out of place in Starbucks drinking a pumpkin spiced latte. And heck yeah, if I wasn’t too busy clambering for safety on top of the toilet I’m sure my fight instincts would have taken over!

  4. Thanks for the good read I’m seriously tearing up here! Not because I’m laughing at you but because I can relate!
    The shower should be off limits to anything with more than 2 legs!
    Have a great weekend!
    Michelle

    • Ruebi

      Exactly! That spider totally overstepped the mark! It should have locked the door if it was using the shower, geez!

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