Alternative title: After my bank holiday weekend was swallowed whole by a migraine so vicious that Pestilence himself would have shit a brick at the prospect of facing it (and that dude created the Bubonic Plague!)…I decided that I needed to see my GP.
Over the last few months alone I’ve missed days at work, social events, days in the sunshine, days in the rain, yoga classes, movie nights with family, spinning classes, weekends (in general) and my sanity due to my brain throwing a tantrum…My avoidance of daylight is akin to that of vampires (I’m talking Christopher Lee style here! Yes, I’m a bit of a horror snob…None of that glittery, sparkly crap! I mean it damnit!).
I’ve also found that locating a trigger is like trying to find a fart in the wind…You know it’s there, you can smell it, it’s pungent, but detecting the source is nigh on impossible.
“They’ll just think I’m a hypochondriac” I whimper into the dark.
My brain is screaming, it has been for hours…The vertigo kicks in the moment I move, the nausea threatens to ruin the living-room carpet in one great heave of the guts, the tears fall.
“They’ll just think I’m wasting their time” I curl up into a ball…Hoping the painkillers kick in this time.
This is typical of the anxiety I feel about seeing a GP regarding my migraines, I feel as though I’ve pestered them so often over the years with the same issue and yet keep returning still broken. I feel as though they see me as a burden on the NHS…Or perhaps that is just how I see myself…
I know that treatment of migraine is difficult, I know there is no cure, I know that management is the only course of action.
With that said – I don’t smoke, I’m pretty much teetotal (I can go months if not years without touching a drop of alcohol), I exercise (when I’m migraine-free), I’m a relatively healthy eater, I barely drink caffeinated drinks anymore, my last eye check showed no issues…And yet, my brain throws a bitch-fit once every week to two weeks for a couple of days at a time.
What. The. Hell?!
So instead of lying on the sofa bitching to the four walls about how unfair it is that my noggin wouldn’t just calm down for five minutes so I could go pee, I resolved to keep the GP appointment I had made a week before …after my last battle for the brain. Not just that, I’m going in there with some idea of what I want, nay need, to happen.
If the treatment for migraines is to manage them, I need help to make it so…
To the migraineurs who read this – There are a few of us on Twitter (hi Lexie, hi Sarah!) using #migrainecircle to reach out to other sufferers, feel free to say hi! Sometimes it’s just good to know that there are other people out there who understand that migraines are not just headaches.
PS – Don’t forget that Thursday 7th May is voting day folks…And Friday 8th May is the day we get our TV Channels and Radio Stations back! Whoop whoop! While I’m on about TV, did anyone see “The C-Word” starring Sheridan Smith? My. Word. Utter tear-jerker! For those who love a good blog, have a nosy at Alright Tit by Lisa Lynch (the story behind the program). Have the tissues ready though, you’ve been warned.