LHB Blog

A girl, a blog and a cactus named Pudding

Be like the Traeger

Alternative title: This is literally the best Tuesday ever, everything is literally fabulous, the aches I have from yoga class are literally the most amazing aches and – oh sod this. Tuesday’s are just filler days that make you feel like you’re in a perpetual loop of Monday turd-fests and as for the yoga aches, I can’t sit on the toilet without wondering if I’m going to be able to stand back up (or have to call for some lovely rescuer to hoist my bare butt off the porcelain throne)…

 

I am a grumpy soul by nature, not a ‘glass half full’ kind of person, nor a ‘glass half empty’ kind of person, but a ‘who stole my fricking glass the cheeky sod, there was still a dribble in that pint’ kind of person…I get anxiety about food, I worry (almost constantly) about everything (pretty much) and I have to check every door/window three times before I can drive off into the sunset (read as: head to work in the latest torrential downpour) without thinking my house will disappear into an abyss.

So as you can imagine when I’m faced with an overly optimistic person my first reaction is to hit them in the face with a spork…My second reaction is, well, to hit them in the face with a spork. After all, there is nothing positive to note from being hit in the face with a spork.

Except that there may be the slightest scrap of food on it…

Anyway, my point is that I’m a miserable sod and I can’t imagine the added stress over the git at work who keeps stealing my pens is doing my health any good (I know it’s you Gary you thieving ball-sack!). As such I decided I needed a role model in my quest to a more positive outlook and my journey brought me back to “Parks and Recreation” (because that shit really is AWESOME and the Turd Crapley scene still makes me pee my pants).

One character in particular caught my attention…

ChrisTraeger

“Woke up feeling like a badger has shat in your mouth? Face like a slapped backside? Hair that has experienced the slightest drop of rain and has suddenly exploded into a frizzy mess despite you spending two hours that morning straightening the darned thing? …That is LITERALLY awesome!” … (Source)

Chris Fricking Traeger! That guy was excited about everything (except in that season when he actually became pretty depressed and all I wanted to do was give the poor guy a cuddle and a decent cup of tea)…He was actually endearing in a ‘you’re too full of happy to even punch in the gob’ kind of way.

It also made me wonder what it was like for those who live in a world of unicorn farts, candy -floss clouds, gormless grins and perpetual silver linings…

It made me realise that instead of getting all annoyed about everything I should attempt to turn it into a positive, for example:

  • The missing pens at work – I know Gary is a pen chewer, so all my future pens will have the tips dipped into the bog that looks the most grim before they are snaffled from my desk. Won’t stop him nicking them, but it will make me grin like an idiot.
  • The people who insist on bruising fruit in the supermarket because they’re ‘testing how ripe’ it is will find their trolley filled with bubble wrap (they have something to dig their fingers into, and I can get fruit that doesn’t have half it’s flesh gauged out by grubby fingernails).
  • The people who let their dogs take a dump everywhere and refuse to clean it up will wake up one morning to find bags of their animal’s leavings stuffed through their letter boxes.

What do you mean ‘that’s not a positive attitude’?

In conclusion…I intend to be a bit more like the Traeger (and say ‘literally’ in every sentence).

R x

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8 Comments

  1. James

    I have a suggestion to prevent Gary or anyone else stealing your pens! Take the ‘ink bit’ from a blue or black pen and place it in a red pen. Almost no one will want to steal a red pen, I have read somewhere before, which must make it true. Especially if I’ve read it on the Internet, because everything on the Internet is true.

    • Ruebi

      But….I only use red pens! I love red pens!

      I think (and don’t quote me on this) that the internet is telling you lies!

  2. Haha, I love that character. Are you also going to start looking for you own Dr. Richard Nygard? πŸ™‚

    • Ruebi

      Oh. My. Word! …. Dr. Richard Nygard is a total must for any Traeger wannabe πŸ˜€

  3. Ohm it is going to take a little grin and bear it here, but wrap a flower to each of you pens. That way bastard Gary won’t be stealing or chewing any of your stuff….

    I suffer from the teen girls at my house taking my stuff….. I have put my underwear in their lunch boxes with a note stating if you take my stuff again, this will mean WAR!!!!!

    My stuff has stayed put unless they ask now πŸ™‚

    xoxoxo

    • Ruebi

      I think he’d still steal the pen even if there was a flower attached to it! I may just steal his coffee mug in return…And stain it with peppermint tea because that stuff stinks even after multiple washes!

      The underwear thing is hilarious! Brilliant idea πŸ˜€

      R x

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