LHB Blog

A girl, a blog and a cactus named Pudding

Category: Life in General (Page 1 of 19)

Shoulder goes POP!

**Not really a trigger warning … More of a squeamish warning**

Alternative title: My shoulder has this amazingly cool ability to just pop out of it’s socket whenever it damn well pleases … Ok so it’s more of a ‘freaking disgusting’ ability but you know, it’s following it’s dreams or some such crap so I’m trying to be supportive (i.e. physically holding it in place at times) … Ok so it’s not an ability at all, and it probably wouldn’t dream of such a skill (if shoulders could dream obviously), it’s actually something called subluxation … And I’ve been told it’s a rather naff party trick as it makes people a little green and queasy. 

Still it’s something I’ve been able to do since my teens (which are oh so far away now! – Trust me, it’s not entirely a bad thing though I do miss my bright purple flares) and it’s never really given me any grief … Until the other week when all of a sudden I found I could no longer move my arm …  At all. I still have diddly squat idea on just how the heck I managed to do that amount of damage without noticing, you would think there would have been some sort of alarm bells ringing somewhere given the pain levels … But nope. Naff all. Not a vegetarian sausage.

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The Girl with the Pink Docs

Alternative title: “Song to Say Goodbye” is playing, it was the song that had gently filtered through the car speaker system the night we sped to hospital knowing my dad would be breathing his final breaths within hours.”Song to Say Goodbye” is playing, tears are hot on my face, mascara traces left behind, betraying them to the world. “Song to Say Goodbye” is playing … And my heart is in pieces. 

I would follow them around the world if I could …

Because they make me feel alive.

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Doctor Google and the Stomach Ulcer

Alternative title (aka Spoiler alert): It’s not a stomach ulcer … Well … I don’t think it’s a stomach ulcer! I mean, Doctor Google says “heck yeah” whereas my GP says “we need to stick a camera somewhere unpleasant” … Maybe Doctor Google is playing devil’s advocate, maybe my GP just likes to scare my guts into behaving (or likes to stick cameras in – or rather up – people’s jacksies), who knows! All I know is that gut ache is rubbish and I don’t like this diet plan it’s imposed on me (for goodness sake, I just want a chocolate orange cupcake sprinkled with custard creams with a cuppa tea, that’s no reason for my stomach to be annoyed, right? RIGHT?!).  

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A Rather Conventional Funeral

Alternative title : It seemed like a bad dream … The pews were the same, the funeral directors ushering people to their seats were the same, the air was as musty as all those months ago, a coffin on a stand, roses atop … But it wasn’t a dream … We were back at the crematorium. Saying goodbye to another.  

Where my dad had the scent of petrol and the roar of scooters, punk music blaring over the sound system as his coffin was walked into the crematorium, glistening fresh snow and a celebrant with tales of mischief, my uncle had rainfall (in typical Lancashire style), a sombre silence as the pall bearers lifted him over the threshold, and prayers sung in broken voices.

It seemed so strange … Yet so familiar. 

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