Alternative title: Listen to your body!

As I mentioned last week there has been a switch around with regards to my medication following my recent diagnosis of Anankastic Personality Disorder (also known as Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder – OCPD) and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). I came off Mirtazapine without issue (except for not being able to sleep properly) and promptly started the Clomipramine.

Four days later I called my Psych Doc’s office in tears – the pressure in my head was intense, pain surging throughout my skull attacking whatever it came into contact with. I felt sick, I was sick. I stopped eating, I couldn’t manage even a glass of water. I had uncontrollable tremors. A jaw aching from being clenched, a grinding of teeth. I felt dizzy. I couldn’t sleep … And my Anxiety was kicking me when I was down with a heavy chest, prickly arms and the unrelenting feelings of panic and dread.

Something was wrong.

I had expected a couple of side effects, heck I was warned that there would be a couple of side effects, but that these would start to subside rather than get worse. I’d been told to be patient, that it would take time for my body to adjust. Except my body didn’t want to adjust. It fought against the drug within the first 24 hours of taking a single 25mg tablet and four days after it was still fighting against it.

My Psych Doc was reassuring … He advised no more Clomipramine (phew), plenty of rest (duvet fort) and some medication to help with the tremors (which, by the way, worked like a charm!). Again he advocated patience, to allow my body to recuperate.

Patience it seems, is his go to advice.

Patience is something I struggle with.

But in this situation I totally get it, how can I be sure if a medication is right for me unless I give it a go? How can I be sure of the right medication unless I give it ample time to work? How can I expect my body to simply recover, without giving it the time to rest?

 

Clomipramine and me | LHB Blog

“Sorrow is how we learn to love. Your heart isn’t breaking. It hurts because it’s getting larger. The larger it gets, the more love it holds” – Rita Mae Brown 💕 (Pic is from my Insta)

 

As I type this I still have that raging pain in my head, I’m not sleeping, I’m not eating and I’m still nauseous. This is the first time in quite a while that my body is without an anti-depressant medication of any kind … In fact, aside from my morning dose of Thyroxine, this is the least medicated I have been since my first GP appointment to discuss Anxiety all those many moons ago! With that said, I guess part of this episode of being poorly-sick will be my body adjusting to the lack of medication in my system too … And right now it hates everything!

It’s not the first time my body/brain has been floored by an anti-depressant medication, it had similar problems with Sertraline.

It’s all about trial and error with these things I guess … And a lesson that if it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.

R x

**EDIT: my Psych Doc has brought forward my next appointment on the back of this and I’ve been assigned a counsellor (sessions to start soon). My local Mental Health team have been so amazing!**

 

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