Alternative title : I officially suck at pull ups … I’m more likely to bust a blood vessel in my noggin a la “Stressed Eric” than manage one of those! Yet here I am, scheduled in for 3 gym session a week, in which pull ups are involved (so says my training plan) … Or rather, holding onto the bars, legs kicking about in effort and trying to move upwards while I make an odd “meeeeehhhhhhhhh” sound but not really accomplishing much more than like a centimetre! Urgh!
Since losing both my dad and my uncle in the space of 6 months my brain has suddenly become focused on the fact that I haven’t been taking particularly good care of my own health … Skip a thyroid tablet, eh I’ll remember tomorrow! (Not the best of ideas given how forgetful I can be in the mornings). Skip a meal, eh I’ll eat later! (Or not). Skip meditation, eh I’ll be fine I’m not that stressed! (While chewing my way through all my nails … Well, except toe nails, not quite as flexible anymore what with skipping some Yoga classes).
I’ve had quite a lot of sleepless nights in which my Anxiety has considered the many ways in which I could die (with my brain proclaiming that my exit will result in a obviously posthumous Darwin award) and what actually happens when we die (is there such a thing as a soul? Or are do we return to the universe as specks of stardust?) and anything else it considers worthy of Grim Reaper style contemplation which, in the words of my High School Art teacher, isn’t exactly healthy.
And while I can’t escape the inevitable (after all, none of us really know how much sand is in our respective hour glasses) I do feel that I need to take action on the coach potato status I’ve been slowly (well, not so slowly) achieving recently.
So after much deliberation over which gym to join I signed up to my favourite (aka the one that has a yoga class included in the membership), paid my first months fee (after much crying into my purse over all the chocolatey things I could buy with that cash instead), went through an induction (after a rather grueling Core and Abs session to test cardio … That was totally as fun as it sounds) and was given a plan to follow.
For now my dreams of a Kim Kardashian-esque butt shelf are sadly on hold (for the first 4 weeks at least) while I focus on core, arms and back strength (of which I don’t have much!) … Then I am all about the squats! Or, kinda about the squats … Can’t say I really like squats all that much to be fair.
Anyway, I switched to a Pescatarian diet last year after a discussion with my GP (I thought that would be a lot harder to adapt to than it was! Though when I started out I was also running at 6am … Right when the local butty shop was serving it’s bacon sandwiches … Dealing with that smell was tougher than the actual run!) and it’s only recently that I’ve been appreciating what 3 meals a day can do for both my mood and my physical well-being (especially breakfast … Yeah, I avoided this meal for quite a bit of my life) … Particularly when I combine this with plenty of water and very little caffeine (I’ve finally managed to drop to 1 cup of coffee a day without experiencing nasty non-Migrainey headaches) and remembering my Thyroxine (my pill box has been an absolute godsend). The unfortunate thing about this lifestyle change has been my protein powder which, quite frankly, tastes like vanilla flavoured wood chippings … I know what you’re thinking, sounds truly delightful doesn’t it?
It all seems like a step in the right direction … Eating right, plenty of water, fresh air, yada yada yada. But I got to say, I haven’t sworn in an exercise based environment as much as I did the first time I attempted a pull up! That shit looks easy, even my (usually negative) mind was all “pffft, yeah we’ve totally got this” until I actually tried to haul my ass up … And failed. Multiple times. To the extent I’m now working with a beautiful blue support band (to match the beautiful blue air around me given my rather extensive sweary vocabulary) to aid me in assisted pull ups until my arms realise that they are capable of such things … Or until I slip off the handles and land face first on the sweaty gym floor and renounce all desire to become a gym bunny and pledge my allegiance to the sofa (not for the first time I might add).
Whichever comes first!
So this is where I need your help dear readers … I need you to shout me out some motivational tunes for my iPod as there’s only so many times I can hear “Eye of the Tiger” without throwing an absolutely sweaty bitch fit (I haven’t quite figured out how to fit meditation into my schedule yet)!
PS – I’ve been given a rather late (and rather surprising) birthday gift … Guess who has tickets to see Placebo later this year?! I am so freaking excited!
**EDIT : I’m finding Twitter to be quite a negative place at the moment and it’s having a serious impact on my mental well-being … So if you do follow me on there I’m sorry, I’ll probably be rather quiet and will likely only have scheduled tweets going live for a little while BUT I am loving Instagram, it’s giving me some real Wanderlust so if you want to see what I’m up to away from LHB HQ Insta is the place to find me!
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