Alternative title: Messy hair don’t care! … Oh wait no, I do care … I care a flaming lot as it happens! Because it may avert a bitch-fest, I say may I’m 99.999999% sure it won’t.
“Are you sure the straighteners are unplugged?” my brain mutters as we shuffle down the M6.
“Pretty sure … In fact, I didn’t even use the straighteners this morning!” I mutter back.
“Are you sure? I remember you straightening your hair this morning” my brain clearly hasn’t noticed that my hair is in a very messy bun that is probably harbouring pigeons and squirrels “you know they’ll set the house on fire right? They’ll start with the carpet and then the wallpaper and then the -”
“Brain … No … We didn’t use the straighteners, they are not on, they are not even plugged in, they are-” I may as well be shouting at a wall at this point.
“Is that a fire engine?! Shit, THE HOUSE! Turn around, TURN ROUND RIGHT NOW! Oh geez, my Stephen King collection! TURN AROUND DAMNIT!”
Now this may very well be because I’ve since changed roles within my current company and there is some underlying stress or anxiety about it, or maybe it’s been the fabulous bout of Gastritis (FYI! Never Google symptoms), or because I’m going back to studying (see note at the bottom of post for more information), or it may be because I seem to have spent a lot of 2017 in a Grief infused haze or it may just be my brain being, well, my brain. Whatever the reason it’s current focus seems to be very much on possible sources of electrical fire (while keeping it’s original worries about the windows / doors for the car and house swirling into the mix) … Hair straighteners being on (despite not actually being used for days), laptops still being plugged in (even though said laptops are unplugged and packed away in bags), irons suddenly falling over and burning their way through carpets (though tucked away in a cupboard AWAY from a plug socket), mobile phones just randomly exploding in the night (the amazing 3am panics over whether my phone is spewing smoke or it’s the party house a few streets over still BBQ’ing at that time), the oven magically switching itself on (because that happens all the time right?!) … Urgh!
Logically I know that if my straighteners are not plugged in and they haven’t been used in 2 weeks (and as such, are stone cold!) that they are not going to undergo a bout of spontaneous combustion BUT my brain, being the rational creature it is, likes to go with the road less traveled view of me suddenly owning a pair that randomly ignite purely because they damned well feel like it and end up burning down the whole house (and nearby houses and possibly fields and maybe even a river or two) while I’m typing away at my desk at work.
My brain seems to think I should be taking these electrical items with me whenever I leave the house to be sure that they are not becoming arsonists while left unattended (I’m looking at you here toaster you devilish monster you!)… My brain thinks it’s negligent of me to leave said items with no one there to observe them 24/7 to ensure the unthinkable (well … The totally thinkable for an obsessional mind) doesn’t happens … I’m not entirely sure how I’m supposed to carry out this feat, am I supposed to fill my car with irons and straighteners and toasters and laptops and TVs and whatever else I can carry (though goodness knows how I’m supposed to take the oven on these daily trips out)? But then what happens when I park my car at work or at my mum’s place or IKEA? Do I take all these items into the office with me to make friends with other electrical items? Or do I sit in mum’s front garden with my eyes firmly on the car while sipping coffee? Or do I pack them into a trolley to pick out plant pots and buy them some veggie balls with mash?
I mean, could you imagine having the mat next to me at Yoga?! Being barefoot around that many upturned plugs is enough to give you the heebie-jeebies!
So yeah … My brain it seems has something new to concern itself with … And I really wish it wouldn’t!
Anyway, how are you lovely lot? Enjoying Summer so far? I’m loving how utterly indecisive our Lancashire weather has been, thunderstorms and heatwaves and little drizzly nonsense all occurs within hours of each other … Seriously Mother Nature, how am I expected to dress for this? Thankfully the Gastritis seems to have subsided (about bloomin’ time) which means this wannabe (but not quite) gym bunny can get back to exercise classes which is one less thing for my brain to worry about (I was serious when I said never Google your symptoms!)… When it’s not worrying about the house going up in flames due to a wayward spark from something that hasn’t been plugged into the mains since Christmas that is!
IMPORTANT BLOGGY SCHEDULE NOTE / PS TYPE THING – I’m going back to studying (sarcastic yay! … After 2 science degrees you would think I’d know better wouldn’t you? But no, shit for brains here has decided to study accounting) so LHB Blog will be updating once a week for a little while. Are Wednesday’s good for you because Wednesday’s are mighty fine for me (after all, it’s midway through the week and you can nearly smell the weekend … Plus I’m a Wednesday’s child, which is pretty obvious when you think about it isn’t it?).
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