Alternative title: Testing, testing … Is this thing on? Hello? What’s that? We’re live you say? … Hell to the yeah! Ay up lovelies, LHB Blog has internet again! Woop woop! Are we ready to talk about boobs and Yoga? … Yes? Fabulous!
As you read this chances are I am in Ashtanga class, learning how to breathe through boobs, during a shoulder stand … I should point out that they are my own boobs, not those of a stranger, because that would be one very weird (and wrongly advertised) Yoga class. Nobody ever mentioned that going into a shoulder stand would mean I was suddenly going to be eye to eye with nipples so it’s been a bit of a shock to the system (mostly for my windpipe)! How do ladies who have substantial boobage manage those poses? Even with an industrial strength sports bra I’m finding that Pinky and Perky have a murderous side when tipped upside down! (Especially Perky … That one is the leader, I’m sure of it!)
And it’s not something I can convey so easily to my instructor (J) as every time he asks if I’m ok and if I can breathe the best I can muster is “mmmpfle” which he (I assume) translates to mean “oh I’m jolly good, thank you for asking! I feel all wonderfully zen”. Obviously it really means “I am waiting for a time in my life when my boobs are that droopy I can flop them at either side of my head” … Which will then just cause problems for Hala-asana (Plow Pose) with my knees bent by my ears. I should point out that I have only just mastered the whole getting my ankles over my head thing (which sounds far ruder than it should do … Don’t you “I don’t know what you mean” me! Minds in the gutter you lot) so I’m months, if not years, off the whole dropping my knees lark!
Don’t get me wrong, I love my baps when I’m prepping for Salamba Bhujangasana (Sphinx Pose) as I get a bit of cushioning but as soon as “shoulder stand” is uttered I can’t help but groan a little and take a deep breath!
Maybe I need to invest in a snorkel.
J has been reminding me that June 21st happens to be International Yoga Day … This means I’ll have to leave my comfort zone at the door and expect to get a “guuuurrd Yogic work through” (or, as I interpret it, “a right royal ass kicking using my own feet which are somehow twisted around my waist and over my head”).
If you’re planning to dust off your yoga mat and get your zen on then today would be a great day to do it!
Sigh – it’s like I haven’t been away isn’t it! Did you miss me?
PS – My little Trekkie heart is full of sadness (and the rest of me just utterly gutted) after hearing about Anton Yelchin … So young, so talented. I foresee tears when I get to watch “Star Trek : Beyond“.