Alternative title: Sometimes life just decides to piss on our cornflakes and leave us feeling like a pawn in a rather sadistic game of chess in which you know you’re going to be toppled right off your square by the bloody tower thing…What do you mean it’s not a tower? It looks like a tower…Well now nothing makes sense*.
“Focus on your breathing”
I’m in yoga class again…
“Your mind is clear”
…In Supta Virasana (comfortably I might add! So proud of my body)…
“Focus on the space your inhale creates”
…And all I can think about, is whether or not I remembered to shave my arm pits.
For the record, I had forgotten to shave (are you surprised given that I wrote about a post about leg hair once)…I’m pretty sure if Chewbacca raised his arms he would be less fuzzy in the pits than I was right at that moment in time. But I’m not here to blog about my lackadaisical (awesome word) attitude to body hair…I’m actually going to blog about reinvention.
Usually that means I’ve gotten bored with my appearance and am about to do something drastic…Such as getting a tattoo, a couple of piercings, dying my hair a peculiar shade of purple and legging it to Germany just in time for the final game of the football season. No I’m not kidding. Really I’m not. No I don’t regret it…Any of it!
But, what I’ve come to realise is that this form of reinvention is me just acting out the negativity I feel about myself at that moment in time. It is fun, it is exciting, it is freeing…it is fleeting. It is a cycle I have fallen into time and time again. As though changing the outside would change the inside.
How wrong was I?
I should have been focusing on the inside. I should have been dealing with the negative thoughts and feelings, I should have been facing up to the fact that my medication is a lifetime deal (my thyroid is never going to recover), I should have accepted that when my body feels ill it needs me to support it not berate it…I should have been dealing with my overall health and well-being.
It seems that on a daily basis life goes into autopilot. We drag ourselves from our beds to blaring alarm clocks, perform Krypton Factor-esque tasks (such as putting on a pair of trousers while half asleep), grab whatever we can for breakfast (glugged down with coffee), then rush to the office in a blur of road rage to spend the next 8 or 9 hours in front of the computer monitor doing the same task over and over again…We then hurry to get home to watch an assortment of turd-tastic rubbish on the TV while consuming something quick and easy.
Do we ever take time to (as cliche as it sounds) just be?
As I moved from Supta Virasana and into Virabhadrasana II I did just that…I allowed myself to just be in the moment and assess how my body felt, really felt. It was eye-opening…And more than a little bit scary. For weeks I’ve been ignoring how lethargic I’ve been feeling, telling myself that “it’s work stress” or “you didn’t sleep well” or “maybe it’s a bit of lurgy”…What I should have been saying is “excessive tiredness is a sign that your thyroid is unhappy – get your ass for a blood test and book in for a chat with the GP”.
What I should have been saying is that I need to take time out, every day, to just stop and be. To meditate or just take a few deep breaths to re-focus.
What I should have been saying is that reinvention consists of mind, body and soul.
*Don’t worry folks, I do know it’s called a Rook…My time spent in chess club wasn’t all about hiding from the netball lot (seriously, why put the 5’2″ lass as goal defence?! Spent the whole game with my face at boob height to the opposition and more than once had to be picked up off the ground when an elbow collided with my nose!).
PS – Brownie points for all those who recognised the title of this post and couldn’t help but start singing out loud! (I’ve had this song running around my noggin for ages now and more than once I’ve muttered the lyrics under my breath while at the work’s photocopier).