LHB Blog

A girl, a blog and a cactus named Pudding

January blues…

Alternative title: Caffeine withdrawal symptoms are kicking my butt (I get a strange twitch whenever I smell coffee), everyone I know is on a sodding diet (no I don’t want to know how many points are in a single Jelly Tot!) and my body clock is so out of sync that my brain is too puddled to register if I’m wearing pants (I don’t think this is unique to January though)…


I’m in the work’s car park with a puzzled look on my face…my legs look grey. This could mean that (despite still being half asleep) I managed to drag on some trousers OR (more likely) my milk bottle skin just goes that colour during the Winter months.

“I erm…I can’t tell if I’m wearing pants…of any kind” I mutter out loud, choosing to ignore the bemused looks of my fellow staff members.

“Trust me love, you’d be flapping in the breeze if you weren’t wearing anything” my brain said cheerfully. Git.

I started January feeling quite positive…I’ll give you a moment to stop laughing…Done? Brilliant. As I was saying, I started January feeling quite positive. 2015 is, after all, a time in which we can all take a good look at the shit fest that was 2014 and think “I’m tired of your rubbish Universe, this year your butt is mine”.

As it is, I’ve told a colleague that should she ever stick a coffee under my nose (while saying “but it smells so good”) again, I will insert her head up her rectum…I’m not joking. I’m not about to reveal what I would do for a silky smooth freshly brewed cup of coffee right now, but needless to say sticking someone’s head up their rusty sheriff’s badge really isn’t that big a deal.

I’ve thrown a temper tantrum at a door that wouldn’t open; yes it was unlocked, yes it said push on it, yes I pulled instead…Because I’m a dozy sod. Must have been quite a sight for those around me to witness a nearly 30 something slapping a door while bellowing “come on you stupid piece of- argh! I know you open you’re just being bloody awkward!”

I’ve also whinged the whole way round Bolton Abbey and that place is picturesque (very unlike me, especially as they have a place called the Valley of Desolation – how cool is that?). Poor M had to deal with me bellyaching about how my face was numb from the cold (in fairness it was numb enough for me to bite a chunk out of my cheek…while I was whinging…I’m sure there’s some sort of lesson I should be learning from that).

I’ve been trying not to be so irritable but even the “every cloud has a silver lining” statement has me wanting to throw a wobbler about how clouds in Lancashire usually indicate a downpour. The pessimist in me is strong and she is saying “screw this…I’m off back to bed, wake me up just after my 30th birthday and don’t you dare touch my gin!”…

On the plus side, I’ve found my future home…

Evil lair

“Super Evil Villain Lair complete with moody ass sky….I wonder if it has the Sky Sports channel…And Jeremy Kyle on loop for those idiots who insist on taking up space in the reception seating area….Now hiring for an Evil Receptionist!” …(source)

I suppose I can say with absolute certainty that I have flunked my 2nd New Years Resolution…I did say that I would completely balls that one up though. Didn’t need a crystal ball to see that coming!

So folks, how is 2015 treating you so far? Any January blues?

R x



Let’s dance, 2015…


Rabbit Food


  1. The lady who suggested in an earlier post that you switch out every other cup for decaf rather than going from 8-10 to 1 or 2 immediately was a smart cookie. Easier on you AND on the people around you. Not to mention doors. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • Ruebi

      During work hours I’ve only kept decaf in my drawer as I know I’m likely to just say “screw it, I’m having a terrible day, another coffee will help!”…At least this way the temptation is removed. It’s day 9 and I feel like I’m getting over the worst of it now ๐Ÿ™‚ (Also the door has recovered and we haven’t had a tiff since).

  2. Ergh, you’ve given up coffee… I’ve gone off it! No idea what’s happened but I’m utterly bereft!
    Thanks for linking up with #WeekendBlogHop!

    • Ruebi

      Not given up as such…I’m just limiting the amount I can have to 1 (full fat) tea and 1 coffee per day. It’s been so difficult but think I’m getting there.

  3. Jen

    Ooooof. My world doesn’t work without lots & lots of caffeine. Blessings upon you!

    My intentions for the year aren’t proceeding so well, but I’m ok with that. I think we will get there. I’ve managed to pull together several of them thus far & I’ve no doubt the ones that are important will continue to pull themselves to the surface.

    • Ruebi

      I don’t think we should be too harsh on ourselves when the intentions don’t go the way we expect them to straight away, sometimes we just need time to deal with other things and come back to them.

      I think I’m over the worst with regards to the caffeine decrease…It’s taken 11 days but the cravings have stopped.

  4. I’d like to apply for the Evil Receptionist position please. Will work for beer & cheeseburgers ๐Ÿ™‚

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