LHB Blog

A girl, a blog and a cactus named Pudding

Learning to meditate

Alternative title: Some days I manage a peaceful meditation session in which I am just ‘being’ … Other days … Well …Β 

Me: “Inhale … Exhale … Inhale …”

Brain: “Oh man I could do with a cuppa, let’s go get a cup of tea!”

Me: “… Exhale … Inhale … Exhale …”

Brain: “With sugar! We haven’t had a sugary brew in aaaaggggeeeesss”

Me: “… Inhale … Exhale … Inhale …”

Brain: “I think we need to fart …”

Me: “… Exhale … Inha-”

Brain: “At least I think it’s just a fart …”

Stomach: “Huh? Since when? I don’t feel gassy ”

Brain: *whispering* “I don’t think we should trust it … ”

Me: ” … ”

Other things I’ve noticed that affect the meditation malarkey:

  • Actually needing to fart / burp (acceptable in the comfort of your own home but during a meditation group will probably be frowned upon … More so if you trust a fart you shouldn’t have done – don’t look at me like that! I’ve had Gastroenteritis, I’ve made the mistake of trusting a bottom burp when I shouldn’t have done! It’s a real hazard).
  • Foot or feet going numb or cramping (or getting pins and needles) … Oh man the pain! And don’t get me started on the Lotus Position, tried, failed, had to lie face down on the floor until my legs woke up! – I am working on this though, I will manage it eventually. Suspect there will be incidents of being helped off the floor (sans alcohol) in my future…And possibly trips to the Urgent Care Centre to be untangled.
  • Like wise with hand or hands going numb or cramping (or getting pins and needles). I use a 108 bead mala to try focusing the mind…Not easy to get used to I can tell you! (That said, I won’t meditate without it now).
  • I love Savasana (Shavasana), it’s very easy for me to calm the mind in that asana but I run the risk of falling asleep … Which also runs the risk of me snoring, loudly. Defeats the objective of meditating and also means I get some nasty glares in the meditation group (like I’m the only one to fall asleep during meditation! I’d get the horror of it all if there was a dirty dream involved but a bit of snoring, eh, unless I sound like a freight train I’d say we’re good!).
  • The pup wanting to play … I love the little fuzz ball, I do. But he loves a very loud squeaky mouse toy at the moment which he insists we play with at least once an hour. He also appears to love magic and somehow he manages to get into whichever room I appear to have picked for meditation, even when I have made a point of closing the door. I know right? Watch out “Britain’s Got Talent“, you think a tightrope walking pooch is awesome, just wait until you meet mine – he thinks he’s bloody Dynamo!

 

image

Look at the grin on it’s face! You know it’s all “pssst, pooch, she’s 10 minutes into today’s meditation session – let’s make some noise!”

 

I just need to be persistent with it, eventually I will get the hang of it!

Do any of you lovely lot meditate? Can you recommend any apps or books? And have any of you fallen asleep during it? (Come on, fess up!).

R x

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20 Comments

  1. Giggles πŸ™‚

  2. I think I’d have a real problem trying to turn off my brain long enough to meditate. Love the humour here πŸ™‚ #PoCoLo

    • Ruebi

      I can manage it in a group guided meditation as my brain suddenly goes “….Ooooo someone’s talking” and quietens down, otherwise it’s almost like fighting a losing battle with it! It just rambles on and on about random things.

  3. This had me cracking up!! I love your style of writing <3

  4. Never trust a bottom burp! They are sneaky buggers. Every now and again the thought crosses my mind that maybe I should try a little meditation to calm my busy mind, but it would turn into a circus for sure. If I sat quietly in the living area, I’d get swamped by the dogs. If I went to another room away from the dogs they’d be knocking at the door (the same goes for putting them outside).

    The shower would be the best place to meditate in this house!

    #PoCoLo

    • Ruebi

      The monk at my local Buddhist Centre advised me to be patient with the pup and his squeaky toy and eventually I’ll get used to that background noise when meditating … Think I’ll just invest in a decent pair of earplugs instead! But if I invest in earplugs how will I know if he’s causing mischief by ripping apart half the house? Hmmm … The dilemmas of owning pups πŸ™‚

      And yeah, not trusting a bottom burp has to be the best advice ever!

  5. Lori

    It’s so nice to be inside someone else’s distracted mexitation brain and know it’s normal!

    • Ruebi

      It’s nice to know other people’s brains get like this during meditation! πŸ˜€ Some folks I’ve talked to have been practicing it for years and won’t admit that their minds wander from time to time…I’m sure they do though!

  6. lol I love this blog. Reminds me of the time my friend was practicing Reiki on me and I fell asleep – snoring. Luckily the time I fell asleep (a few times) in the hairdressers whilst been blown dry didn’t result in snoring just my head pinging forward.

    • Ruebi

      I fell asleep during Acupuncture once … That was weird! Woke up to the Acupuncturist (is that the right word) turning the needles in my feet while telling me that dozing off was a sign that one of my Chakra’s was badly blocked. I just thought I was tired!

      Never did find out which Chakra she was on about …

      What’s Reiki like? I hear good things about it! And I guarantee if I ever fell asleep at the hairdressers I’d end up with a bald spot where my head fell forward as they were snipping away … I have coffee before each appointment! πŸ˜€

  7. Reading this really made me LOL! I do like to meditate, i use deep breathing exercises and crystals. Like listening to Enigma too. Yoga and I don’t mix very well so i’d rather avoid those stretches when possible! #Pocolo

    • Ruebi

      Awww I’m glad it made you giggle πŸ™‚ I’ve tried deep breathing exercises, found them to be quite useful … I’ve never used crystals though – how do you use them during meditation? Is there a certain technique?

  8. Hi, Ruebi… I know I’ve already commented on this post… sort of…if “giggles” count… Giggles are good, right? πŸ˜‰

    Anyway, here I am again, hopped over from the #weekendblogshare, because I saw you there, and, well…you already know how much I love your blog.

    Today’s comment is more a Hey-You-How-Are-You than anything else…because I know you’ve not been great…and it can’t hurt to let you know I’m thinking of you πŸ™‚

    Hoping things are okay with you today (or at least ish), much love, Kimmie x

    • Ruebi

      Hello again! πŸ™‚

      To be honest – I’m having a bit of a rough time of it at the moment which I’m assuming is down the medication changing dosage … My mood has taken a bit of a nose dive! I’m just taking each day as it comes and trying to stick to a routine that will keep my mind occupied (and my Anxiety in some sort of check) while the Depression levels out.

      Don’t think it helps that my routine got disrupted by my brilliant light bulb moment of slamming a car door on my finger! πŸ™‚

      Hope you’re doing ok Kimmie! I totally need to ping you message or something soon.

      R x

      PS – “Giggles” totally counts as a comment!

  9. Brilliant! I am SO with you on this. I have meditated a number of times now – and I regularly fall asleep. Most often it is in the comfort of my own home I hasten to add – so it isn’t too embarrassing! Thank you for linking to #PoCoLo x

    • Ruebi

      I try to meditate sitting up now as I’m less likely to doze off … The only problem with that is if I doze off sitting up I’m likely to face plant … Wonder how many folks have been to hospital with meditation related injuries or if I’d be the first! Lol πŸ™‚

  10. Haha. Love this! I’m quite new to meditation and find its sometimes quite hard to know if I’m doing it “right” – cue preoccupation whilst doing it! If nothing else I love the time out soothing aspect to it. Farting and pins & needles an occupational hazard. Thanks for sharing on #pocolo x

    • Ruebi

      If I manage to clear my mind then I assume I’m on the right track … Though with my brain being the chatterbox it is I seriously struggle with it. Guided meditation helps when my brain is on full “let’s discuss EVERYTHING right now!” mode because it tricks it into listening.

      I totally agree with the time out soothing aspect though … It’s awesome! πŸ™‚

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