Alternative title: Some days I manage a peaceful meditation session in which I am just ‘being’ … Other days … Well …
Me: “Inhale … Exhale … Inhale …”
Brain: “Oh man I could do with a cuppa, let’s go get a cup of tea!”
Me: “… Exhale … Inhale … Exhale …”
Brain: “With sugar! We haven’t had a sugary brew in aaaaggggeeeesss”
Me: “… Inhale … Exhale … Inhale …”
Brain: “I think we need to fart …”
Me: “… Exhale … Inha-”
Brain: “At least I think it’s just a fart …”
Stomach: “Huh? Since when? I don’t feel gassy ”
Brain: *whispering* “I don’t think we should trust it … ”
Me: ” … ”
Other things I’ve noticed that affect the meditation malarkey:
- Actually needing to fart / burp (acceptable in the comfort of your own home but during a meditation group will probably be frowned upon … More so if you trust a fart you shouldn’t have done – don’t look at me like that! I’ve had Gastroenteritis, I’ve made the mistake of trusting a bottom burp when I shouldn’t have done! It’s a real hazard).
- Foot or feet going numb or cramping (or getting pins and needles) … Oh man the pain! And don’t get me started on the Lotus Position, tried, failed, had to lie face down on the floor until my legs woke up! – I am working on this though, I will manage it eventually. Suspect there will be incidents of being helped off the floor (sans alcohol) in my future…And possibly trips to the Urgent Care Centre to be untangled.
- Like wise with hand or hands going numb or cramping (or getting pins and needles). I use a 108 bead mala to try focusing the mind…Not easy to get used to I can tell you! (That said, I won’t meditate without it now).
- I love Savasana (Shavasana), it’s very easy for me to calm the mind in that asana but I run the risk of falling asleep … Which also runs the risk of me snoring, loudly. Defeats the objective of meditating and also means I get some nasty glares in the meditation group (like I’m the only one to fall asleep during meditation! I’d get the horror of it all if there was a dirty dream involved but a bit of snoring, eh, unless I sound like a freight train I’d say we’re good!).
- The pup wanting to play … I love the little fuzz ball, I do. But he loves a very loud squeaky mouse toy at the moment which he insists we play with at least once an hour. He also appears to love magic and somehow he manages to get into whichever room I appear to have picked for meditation, even when I have made a point of closing the door. I know right? Watch out “Britain’s Got Talent“, you think a tightrope walking pooch is awesome, just wait until you meet mine – he thinks he’s bloody Dynamo!
I just need to be persistent with it, eventually I will get the hang of it!
Do any of you lovely lot meditate? Can you recommend any apps or books? And have any of you fallen asleep during it? (Come on, fess up!).