LHB Blog

A girl, a blog and a cactus named Pudding

Let’s dance, 2015…

Alternative title: It’s 4pm New Years Day and I am trying to distract myself from the jar of coffee calling my name in the other room…So far I have managed to spit half a Lindor chocolate over my laptop while shouting “oh you useless piece of…grumble, mumble” at the half-time Burnley score (classy bird me) and danced (like a idiot) to this Avicii song. I’m not proud of myself.

 

Brain: “I want a coffee”.

Me: “We agreed to decrease the caffeine remember? How about a kiwi, ginger and pear juice?”

Brain: “How about I punch you in the Hippocampus?”

Me: “It won’t kill you to just try it!”

Brain: “The hell you say, I could be allergic to that green shit….pass me the Nescafe, a tablespoon and a bib!..Don’t give me that disapproving look…In fact forget the spoon, just pass me the jar!”

My brain is not handling the whole ‘decreasing caffeine’ thing well, I am trying to keep it distracted but I fear I have failed so far.

The day started with what I thought would be a bracing walk in the rain (it is Lancashire after all) with the pup…However it turned out to be a new style of ‘Krypton Factor‘ in which you have to avoid the copious amounts of broken glass bottles, vomit and turd (nothing says Happy New Year like a combination of those three smeared on every pavement for you to skid in).

“I just want a cup of coffee” I said to mum after explaining the horrors of the morning.

“You just need to keep busy, to just keep focusing on other things…Why not go shopping for those boots you’re after?” She suggested.

“You know I only ever go shopping when I’m feeling particularly evil…and gassy” I uttered with a smirk.

Ninth Doctor

And this is why he picked Rose as a companion instead of me…Can’t blame him really, the TARDIS may be huge on the inside but so is the Trafford Centre and farts linger like cheap perfume in that place!…(source – Yes I’m aware this is a tumblr dedicated to the Ninth Doctor, no I don’t have this bookmarked…yet).

I’m afraid I don’t ‘do’ shopping; I don’t get excited by handbags or shoes (or make-up for that matter), I get all glassy eyed by the differences in jean styles (not that it really matters given that the leg length is always wrong for my short frame) and I definitely don’t like walking into a shop only for some numpty to spray perfume in my eyes (my eyes can’t tell you if there are subtle undertones of lily in the liquid, they can just tell me that it burns more than the time I fell asleep in a Vindaloo!).

Instead I opted to put out the bins ready for tomorrow’s collection (read as: I managed to tip the whole thing over when trying to manoeuvre it down some steps, cue much swearing as each bin liner pretty much split and rained rubbish over my trainers when I tried to clean up the mess) then settled in for the football with a decaf tea (the chocolates were a big mistake given the level of gobby I get to when the Clarets are playing).

All the while my brain is talking about caffeine…

“Burnley are losing at the moment…perfect time for a nice cup of (full-fat-none-of-that-decaf-rubbish) tea”.

“Oh, going for a wee…you know what would go great with that wee? A lovely cup of coffee!”

“Brrrr…That Panopticon photo looks cold…Doesn’t it make you feel cold just thinking about it? How about a hot cup of coffee…or tea…tea is good too!”

“Oh look, a Burnley equalizer…Why not bob the kettle on for a celebratory brew? Huh? It’s as good a time as any for- oh wait, Newcastle have scored…Balls”.

Sigh. Balls indeed.

EDIT: The final scoreline for today’s game was – Newcastle 3 v Burnley 3…In case any of you wanted to know and had missed my constant retweets about the match.

R x

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12 Comments

  1. If you swap every other for a decafe, then gradually increase the decafe over time, you should find you decrease without the pain 🙂 x

    • Ruebi

      I’ve packed decaf tea for work tomorrow…and I’ve taken all coins out of my purse…There will be no machine coffee! x

  2. Oh my husband just played this flipping game. He came home over a week ago complaining of horrid headaches and not being able to sleep. Then the daft sod told me he had been drinking 2 LARGE cups of Dunkin Donuts… Holy sh*t do you know how much caffeine there is in those cups!!!! Enough for him not to want to sleep!!! He is on his 7th day of not having coffee at all. First three days were brutal, it is better NOW!!! Good luck mate!!!

    • Ruebi

      I’ve been told by a few people that the first three days are the worst when cutting out caffeine…Today I’ve managed to mostly stick to decaf (including green) tea’s and plain water. Had 1 (full fat) tea at breakfast, 1 coffee at lunch and another tea when I got home – which is an improvement on my usual intake. I do have the evening to get through though (another tea/coffee is in order – which still keeps me under half of my usual tea/coffee consumption). How is your husband now? Headaches gone?

  3. from what to what are you trying to cut down? Just curious. Caffeine is also my drug of choice.

    • Ruebi

      It’s not unheard of for me to have up to 8-10 cups of coffee per day (and then I have tea as well!)…So I’m trying to cut down to 1 (full-fat) tea in a morning and 1 coffee throughout the day. It will probably take me a little while to reach that goal without craving further caffeine based drinks though.

  4. Omg! This had me laughing so hard! Good luck to you! I don’t think I can do it, you are a much stronger person than I am 😉

    • Ruebi

      I got a few funny looks today for saying “oh no, I don’t want to drink the coffee….I just want to sniff it”. Needless to say everyone made sure their jars of coffee had the lids on tight and securely locked away in cabinets. I really wasn’t going to drink it!

  5. This is too funny. I shouldn’t be laughing out loud so late at night. My neighbours to to bed at 7pm because they sleep in pods or some shit like that but that’s a different story altogether. Thanks for the laugh!

    • Ruebi

      Can we trade neighbours? Mine decided to have a full on wobbler in the street between the hours of 3am-6am…It’s not like any of us need to sleep or anything!

  6. Oh, this sucks!! Giving up coffee is a nightmare. I only drank a couple of mugs a day (plus the occasional red bull), but I knew I was relying on them too much so gave them up about a month ago. I still get the same longing for a cup of coffee at the same time each day but its getting easier. Good luck!!

    • Ruebi

      Thank you 🙂 I seem to crave coffee more when I’m at work…I appear to have an “I’m stressed, making a coffee will help” mentality going on when I’m there. I think once I’ve broken that I’ll be ok. It has been quite difficult today to deal with the cravings but I made it through, with the help of a lot of decaf green tea!

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