Alternative title: Ah weddings…A rather odd affair in which you realise that TV has ruined the whole concept for you as when the congregation is asked “if any person present knows of any lawful impediment to this marriage, he or she should declare it now” you instantly want to tip chairs over and begin bellowing something incoherent just to add a bit of drama to the whole occasion.
The problem with being a socially awkward twit and a woman is that the churning you feel in your stomach when sitting with complete strangers at a wedding could be due to a) squitty botty caused by anxiety flaring up or b) mother nature deciding to be a spiteful cow by kicking you in the ovaries a couple of days early…Either way, wearing a cream dress was probably a very bad idea and you find yourself rifling through your handbag for Imodium and Tampons while vows are being spoken. Sigh.
Weddings are interesting things…On the one hand, you share in the happiness, love and outpouring of affection of the bride and groom as they promise their lives to one another (all rather beautiful); on the other hand, you also find yourself dealing with one very bitter guest (they always seem to gravitate towards me) who through gritted teeth informs you that the only real advice to give to a betrothed couple is “to never marry in the first place as it ends with pissing money up the wall” (fabulous!). Definite conversation killer.
I have to admit, until I met M I hadn’t really considered marriage. It just seemed something other people did. I guess up until that point I hadn’t reached the “I can’t be without this person” moment (well, except for where Brian Molko is concerned – dat voice!)…
*Hands you all a bucket each*
You can stop chundering over the soppiness now…
Actually you should probably keep the buckets, just in case.
I had been incredibly nervous about attending this wedding as M’s plus one…I guess it doesn’t help that my anxiety has been manifesting itself as “you’re not good enough, so stop pretending you are”. When it is in that mindset I’m worried to even open my mouth for fear of unstoppable verbal diarrhea, I’m sure you’ve all been there at some point, someone asks a basic question and you respond with something completely moronic leading everyone to pull awkward “back away slowly” faces at one another.
I’m hoping that if I said anything daft it will have been taken as eccentricity or shit-faced-ness (even though I didn’t have many G&Ts).
I’m also hoping that should the day ever arise in which I tie the knot…I get to wear Converse because seriously, my feet would be ripped to shreds by some of the shoes I’ve seen brides wear! *Cringes*