Alternative title: I have no voice, I’ve taken multiple elbows to the head, there is blood, sweat and probably pee all over the floor…But none of this matters because there, on the stage, is the first and only band I will ever truly love…And I am bouncing like the total utter fricking fan-girl that I am!


I’m in the standing section (turned mosh pit) at King Georges Hall, “The Bitter End” has created hysteria amongst the crowd and they surge towards the stage…I lose Pinky in the first rush and Perky in the next, in the midst of a readjustment I curse my lack of forethought – I should have worn a shock absorber!

This is something you’re not warned about when you attend a gig…Though suppose having posters with “ladies mind your baps” might be a bit like teaching one’s grandmother to suck eggs.

Anyway, enough about the wardrobe malfunction.

I’ve mentioned my Anxiety issues a couple of times before, usually with regards to being in situations in which I have to interact with people socially when there is food involved. What I haven’t mentioned is that being in crowded places triggers it too, being in any situation I have no control over is a complete no-no as my body throws a complete wobbler and I end up a blubbery panicked mess…

So what the heck was I doing in the second row of a mosh pit with fingers clinging onto the metal fencing, with all of my 5’2″ frame taking full advantage of the fact that 1. I was totally sober and 2. I have a lower centre of gravity so trying to shift my backside can feel like running full sprint into a brick wall, with every heart beat telling me to merely breathe?

Well, for nearly two-thirds of my life I’ve been a fan of this band, I’ve listened to them through good times and bad (I still listen to them most days … Well, more like every freaking day!)…When faced with life upheavals (major heartbreak, relocations, bullies, illnesses, deaths, etc) I’d turn to their music for comfort. I didn’t feel as alone or scared or anxious because of them – I actually find Brian Molko’s voice very soothing. This is something that rings true even now…Because on Saturday, despite being enclosed in such a stifling environment, my anxiety couldn’t take hold.

Instead I felt free to jump about, scream the words and generally move like a constipated hippo (I can’t dance, but neither could most of the others there)…I didn’t feel judged, I didn’t feel like I wasn’t in control, I felt as though I could just be me.

Which I think was evidenced by the “which one us is the sweatiest cow?” contest I ended up having with a lass squashed next to me as we hit the final song. I don’t think there are many situations in which you can compare pit sweat with a stranger and it be deemed a perfectly acceptable state of affairs.



Brian Molko…The brilliant git that has ruined influenced my life since 1996! (Sorry for the photo quality folks but given I was in a situation in which I couldn’t even scratch my bottom if I wanted to I’m surprised I managed to get a decent shot!).


The next day I was in a lot of pain…Perhaps this was due to me attending my first ever mosh pit at the age of 29 (according to the lasses at work this makes me old and uncool…I didn’t think I’d ever been sodding cool!). Or most likely it was due to the fact I had attended my first ever spinning class the day before the gig, I know, what the fudge was I thinking?! Bloody numpty! (Check in next Tuesday for that post by the way to see if I face-planted off the bike as expected!).

So folks, do you have any bands/musicians/songs that have been a major influence on your life?

R x

PS – One of my favourite covers that they have done is this version of a Nik Kershaw song (if you don’t know who he is, maybe try “The Riddle” – I was an 80’s baby ok!):

Placebo – Wouldn’t it be good.