Alternative Title: The last time I tried pole dancing I was in a dodgy little nightclub that was decorated in a cheap beach theme (imagine if Blue Peter were given an unlimited supply of bog rolls, paint and glitter …and were then asked to recreate a canal scene complete with shopping trollies and bags of floating dog turds – really focus on that image, got it? That’s the club!)… I was also pissed as a fart…
The week leading up to Pole Dancing I had a “wonderful” gurgling mix of excitement and anxiety which when combined with period cramp (because everyone wants to know the ins and outs of my body right!) resulted in one very unhappy stomach come the day of the class. As a result I forfeited shorts for capris (sacrificing a bit of grip) to stop the panic about my flapjack being on show…And to hope that should I end up with a bottom burp I don’t trust, there would be a bit of extra time to make a dash to the bathroom!
I was the only total beginner of the group…A fact unbeknownst to me until we arrived. My friend has danced before…She was the one who talked me into going…A way of getting me out of my comfort zone, a way of sticking two fingers up to the Anxiety for an hour. Granted it’s not something I would have considered – it is so far from removed from my plan of duvet, horror movie and decaf tea let’s put it that way!
That said, I wasn’t going to allow my epic 20 minute battle into an industrial strength sports bra go to waste (those things are evil…Pure EVIL!).
“You’re going to fall on your face” my brain said as I attempted my first spin.
My brain was wrong.
“You’re going to fall on your ass” my brain said as I attempted a pole climb.
My brain was wrong.
“You’re going to break your neck” my brain said as I managed to get into a basic invert.
My brain…Was wrong.
For the first time in as long as I can remember, I was so proud of my body. It’s flexibility, it’s strength…A strength I didn’t realise it had.
Recently I’ve been hating on it, I’ve been angry that it feels sick so often (due to the medication), angry that the Anxiety takes control of it so easily, angry at the weight-loss, angry that at times I feel I have no control over it, angry that it shows the inner turmoil through it’s trembling and inability to prevent the tears from falling.
Walking away from the class I knew my anger had been misplaced. Instead of being so spiteful towards my body I should have been trying to nurture it, I should have been accepting that it can’t help the changes currently happening…I should be nurturing it, I should be accepting it.
Because it has a strength within it that is amazing to experience.
I just needed a reminder of that.
I guess we all need a reminder from time to time of how amazing our bodies are!
Even if that reminder comes from being in a room of mostly strangers as you dangle upside on a pole while you push yourself well and truly out of your comfort zone.
PS – I’ve been struggling a bit with loss of appetite recently (I think this is down to the recent increase to my medication), don’t suppose any of you lovely lot can recommend meal substitutes? Or smoothie/juice ideas for breakfast (as this seems my worst meal to deal with at the moment)? Or even which kind of protein powder to be adding to smoothies for an additional boost during the day (more importantly – after workouts)?