Alternative title: The only thing more terrifying than me putting my faith in my thighs to stop me flying down a pole and cracking my chin off my arse (because I’m sure that’s what happens when you manage to concertina your body) is putting my faith in my thighs to stop me flying down a pole and cracking my arse off my Pole partner’s chin (and subsequently managing to concertina both bodies in a random smush of H&M sportswear and Nike short-shorts).
In the words of Placebo* (any excuse for a Brian moment): “someone call the ambulance, there’s gonna be an accident!”
“You’re going to make me do what now?” I say, my brain has decided to give up arguing against these ‘bad ideas’ and is currently playing darts and eating pork scratchings at the nearest pub.
“Well, all you have to do is … ” the instructions were a blur, I tried to recall them while clinging to the pole and cursed the fact I can’t write the answers on my arms like I used to in Maths exams. Not that it would matter as I’d probably look at the random words and think “oh crap, nope, I don’t remember which pose that was” anyway (there are A LOT of names for the poses btw!).
My Pole Partner for the evening was S (who, incidentally, is my best bud – so far more likely to
pee her short-shorts laughing at forgive me if I balls up a move). The move in question is called “Stand on Layout” (I had to look this up on Pole Dictionary! Sorry C … Seriously folks, check it out to understand why it scared the poop out of me), S had the task of being in plank, I just had to stand on her legs as a counterbalance!
Yes, you read that right … I had to stand on her legs as a counterbalance … A simple task really when you think about it. Except with my brain off gallivanting goodness knows where, my body spent the time having mini bitch fits of all the ways I would probably fluff the whole thing up. But …
S held the pose (with me standing on her legs) like an absolute pro! Serious strength!
While we’re talking victories (of sorts) I seem to have mastered my fear of headstands! Can we get a “hell yeah”?!
I’m going to point out right now that once again I came away with bruising around my eye doing the headstands, even without my glasses! … I swear I’m not punching myself in the face! Well, not intentionally anyway.
*PS – Are any of you gorgeous creatures going to their Manchester gig? M bought tickets and I am beyond excited! I know it’s not until December but it is possibly the most awesome thing to happen this year … Yes I’m aware I’m buying a house, what’s your point? We are talking Brian Molko after all.