LHB Blog

A girl, a blog and a cactus named Pudding

Tag: Christmas (Page 1 of 2)

O Christmas Tree

Alternative title: Instead of being the Grinch I was last year (I have the blogposts to prove it) I’ve been that annoying twonk who (as of the 1st of December) pretty much lived, breathed and farted the Christmas Spirit … Right down to the wearing of an elf hat and being a one person choir caroling her little heart out at every opportunity (note to self: public lavs are not a good place to caterwaul – I mean sing, definitely sing – carols, too much of that echoing nonsense and too many critics). 

I have been quite restrained where mince pies are concerned though because frankly, the moment I get my paws on a pack of those will be the moment I start the spiral into chaos that is eating my own body weight in them. Not a great sight for anyone to behold! 

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The Holly and the Ivy

Alternative title: In which I challenge Danny Smith to a gravy wrestling match … As you do. Though if he’s not available I’m willing to accept Tom Hiddleston as a suitable substitute! 

I’m currently dosed up on Lemsip, surrounded by a lovely mixture of snotty tissues and folded up pieces of sellotape (I’m attempting to wrap presents without sneezing on them, after all, nobody wants a lovely flu riddled jumper for the festive season do they) … I’m also wailing along to “The City Drive* – Defeated” in a decidedly croaky voice while totally convinced that I have the voice of an angel and will waltz my way to the next X-Factor final and beyond!

Isn’t that right Simon? Whaddya mean no? Cheryl?! Ooook, is that a maybe? … Right, who are the other two on there now? …

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Christmas Pudding

Alternative title: And now a word about Pudding…the Cactus.


For those of you who don’t know about Pudding; Pudding is a cactus I was given as a ‘gift’ when I left my previous job (read as: an ex-colleague was cleaning his garage when he found what looked like a mutated cabbage and thought “hey, Ruebi would love that as a goodbye present”…Thanks Fred, no really man, I always wanted a cactus that looked like it had fallen right out of the ugly tree).

Once I got over the “oh holy hell what is that?!” and realised I was dealing with one very poorly little plant I had a couple of options:

1. Ditch it in the nearest bin and spend the rest of my life worrying about being haunted by it’s spikey little butt.

2. Take it home and at least try to help it (despite me believing that the cactus would actually become a smushy mess within weeks…if it wasn’t already dead).

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O Holy Night

Alternative title: I. Fricking. Hate. Playing. ‘Cluedo’.


“Can I be the murderer?” I shove Rev. Green towards the kitchen.

“That isn’t how ‘Cluedo‘ works…” my brother said “you have to solve the murder”.

“What the hell do I look like? Miss Marple?!”

“Ruebi just play the game”.

“Give me the…spanner? Is that a spanner or a wrench? Doesn’t matter just give it to me, give me the spanner-wrench thing!…No you can’t have it back it’s evidence and you are all suspects in a murder enquiry…”


“And where is my Tena Lady?! I have a bladder the size of a pea! How I am expected to work under such conditions? What’s my name again? Maple you say? As in the syrup?”


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