LHB Blog

A girl, a blog and a cactus named Pudding

Tag: coffee (Page 1 of 2)

The Brain Throws a Tantrum

Alternative title: It’s after midnight and I’m still lying on the bathroom floor (this is becoming a theme it seems) … My stomach hurts, the world is spinning and my head is screaming. Painkillers haven’t touched the raging neurons and I’m seriously starting to consider removing the angry mass with a spork and dipping it in ice water. Alas I have no spork, my spork is in my desk drawer at work … Damn it spork.

For five days my brain has alternated between being a monstrous ball of pain and being a playpen for hyperactive gerbils who like to crap everywhere …  And boy do they crap everywhere!

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The Holly and the Ivy

Alternative title: In which I challenge Danny Smith to a gravy wrestling match … As you do. Though if he’s not available I’m willing to accept Tom Hiddleston as a suitable substitute! 

I’m currently dosed up on Lemsip, surrounded by a lovely mixture of snotty tissues and folded up pieces of sellotape (I’m attempting to wrap presents without sneezing on them, after all, nobody wants a lovely flu riddled jumper for the festive season do they) … I’m also wailing along to “The City Drive* – Defeated” in a decidedly croaky voice while totally convinced that I have the voice of an angel and will waltz my way to the next X-Factor final and beyond!

Isn’t that right Simon? Whaddya mean no? Cheryl?! Ooook, is that a maybe? … Right, who are the other two on there now? …

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The Decaf Wagon

Alternative title: I confess…I’ve fallen off the decaf wagon and am currently running on a hyper-wired brain looking for it’s next caffeine hit. This is not a good situation…


“Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coff-” my brain is on loop.

“Not right now, we need to finish this bit of work” I tap at the keyboard in a futile attempt at concentration.

“-ee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coff-”

“Seriously you don’t need anymore vending machine coffee…” It’s true, my brain really didn’t.


“Actually, do we even know what’s in that vending machine coffee? It could be sugar laden and pumped full of all sorts of milk substitutes that quite frankly have never even seen a cow…Is there even a label on that machine telling us what the heck is in it? I should check…It’s the only way of really knowing…”

“Coff- I mean, totally…It’s for the good of our -coffee – health…Bring some change too!”

My brain is a crafty shit.

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The Cake Conundrum

Alternative title: I fell off the healthy diet wagon face first and straight into a slice of black forest cake…And loved every delicious minute of it!


“I shouldn’t get a piece” I muttered at M as we queued for coffee*

“One piece won’t do you any harm” M said.

“I shouldn’t…It’ll make me fat” and there it is, the familiar feeling of anxiety.

“One piece of cake will not make you fat…It’s not as though you have this everyday” M reassured.

“Stop it! Just bloody stop it! That mentality is not a good thing, there is nothing wrong with the size of your backside or your gut…That cake is not the enemy, that cake is a treat. A treat that is eaten in moderation but a treat none-the-less! Relax…Now order the damned cake, forget the fork, just ram it in your mush and savour it!” my brain butted in.

So I did as I was told.

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