LHB Blog

A girl, a blog and a cactus named Pudding

Tag: coffee (Page 1 of 2)

The Brain Throws a Tantrum

Alternative title: It’s after midnight and I’m still lying on the bathroom floor (this is becoming a theme it seems) … My stomach hurts, the world is spinning and my head is screaming. Painkillers haven’t touched the raging neurons and I’m seriously starting to consider removing the angry mass with a spork and dipping it in ice water. Alas I have no spork, my spork is in my desk drawer at work … Damn it spork.

For five days my brain has alternated between being a monstrous ball of pain and being a playpen for hyperactive gerbils who like to crap everywhere …  And boy do they crap everywhere!

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The Holly and the Ivy

Alternative title: In which I challenge Danny Smith to a gravy wrestling match … As you do. Though if he’s not available I’m willing to accept Tom Hiddleston as a suitable substitute! 

I’m currently dosed up on Lemsip, surrounded by a lovely mixture of snotty tissues and folded up pieces of sellotape (I’m attempting to wrap presents without sneezing on them, after all, nobody wants a lovely flu riddled jumper for the festive season do they) … I’m also wailing along to “The City Drive* – Defeated” in a decidedly croaky voice while totally convinced that I have the voice of an angel and will waltz my way to the next X-Factor final and beyond!

Isn’t that right Simon? Whaddya mean no? Cheryl?! Ooook, is that a maybe? … Right, who are the other two on there now? …

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The Decaf Wagon

Alternative title: I confess…I’ve fallen off the decaf wagon and am currently running on a hyper-wired brain looking for it’s next caffeine hit. This is not a good situation…

 

“Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coff-” my brain is on loop.

“Not right now, we need to finish this bit of work” I tap at the keyboard in a futile attempt at concentration.

“-ee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coff-”

“Seriously you don’t need anymore vending machine coffee…” It’s true, my brain really didn’t.

“-ee…Coffee?”

“Actually, do we even know what’s in that vending machine coffee? It could be sugar laden and pumped full of all sorts of milk substitutes that quite frankly have never even seen a cow…Is there even a label on that machine telling us what the heck is in it? I should check…It’s the only way of really knowing…”

“Coff- I mean, totally…It’s for the good of our -coffee – health…Bring some change too!”

My brain is a crafty shit.

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The Cake Conundrum

Alternative title: I fell off the healthy diet wagon face first and straight into a slice of black forest cake…And loved every delicious minute of it!

 

“I shouldn’t get a piece” I muttered at M as we queued for coffee*

“One piece won’t do you any harm” M said.

“I shouldn’t…It’ll make me fat” and there it is, the familiar feeling of anxiety.

“One piece of cake will not make you fat…It’s not as though you have this everyday” M reassured.

“Stop it! Just bloody stop it! That mentality is not a good thing, there is nothing wrong with the size of your backside or your gut…That cake is not the enemy, that cake is a treat. A treat that is eaten in moderation but a treat none-the-less! Relax…Now order the damned cake, forget the fork, just ram it in your mush and savour it!” my brain butted in.

So I did as I was told.

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