LHB Blog

A girl, a blog and a cactus named Pudding

Tag: grieving

The Girl with the Pink Docs

Alternative title: “Song to Say Goodbye” is playing, it was the song that had gently filtered through the car speaker system the night we sped to hospital knowing my dad would be breathing his final breaths within hours.”Song to Say Goodbye” is playing, tears are hot on my face, mascara traces left behind, betraying them to the world. “Song to Say Goodbye” is playing … And my heart is in pieces. 

I would follow them around the world if I could …

Because they make me feel alive.

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Hello Grief

Alternative title: I’ve been expecting you … 

I think I’ve been in denial, I’ve been trying to live as ‘normal’ a life as I can … Going to work, going to exercise classes, going for the 6am runs. Not really acknowledging the full extent of how my life has been irrevocably changed … How when my father passed away a gaping void suddenly opened up in my world that will never fully heal.

That was until I saw my counsellor … She opened the flood gates.

Everyone has asked me how my family are coping … My mum, my brother.

She was the first one to really ask how I was … And when she did, I felt the loss, the pain, the anger, all in one scrunched up ball. Crushed so tightly together that it was impossible to feel one without another. I’d held my emotions so close that releasing even a fraction of them was startling and terrifying.

But that’s the point of counselling isn’t it … To release them. To acknowledge them. To accept them … But that also means accepting that he is really gone. And I don’t want to accept that. I’m not sure how to accept that.

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There is no right way to grieve

Alternative title: I’m going to be channeling my inner Kanye West for the rest of this post so … Yeah. Not sure if you need a warning for that or if you just want to see what the heck goes down.

Since losing my dad to cancer a lot of people have been offering advice as to how they dealt with their grief. Some of it has been amazing, supportive and invaluable pieces which I honestly have taken on board … This post is for the pieces that were, well, less than helpful. They are the throwaway comments that leave a lasting impression of “what the actual f-?”

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