LHB Blog

A girl, a blog and a cactus named Pudding

Tag: mental health (Page 1 of 9)

Anything, everything and nothing

**Not sure if this needs a trigger warning or not but I always like to throw one out here just in case**

Alternative title: I’m sorry I haven’t been here much … I’ve been a little unwell … In fact, I’ve been a rather muddled mess! 

It’s been a while since I last posted on here; I hadn’t forgotten my little place on the internet or the words I have poured into it, I didn’t want to leave it neglected and to disappear into the ether, but I also didn’t feel like I could be here either … Recently my Anxiety, Depression, OCD, OCPD and Grief have all been taking turns to squish my insides, they’ve turned my thoughts into poison, my brain into a traitor and left me distraught at the prospect of another day walking with one or more of those demons clawing at me.

I needed the time out from here to heal up a bit.

I needed the time out from here to focus on what I needed.

I needed the time out from here to ask for help.

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Hair Straighteners – An OCD Nightmare!

Alternative title: Messy hair don’t care! … Oh wait no, I do care … I care a flaming lot as it happens! Because it may avert a bitch-fest, I say may I’m 99.999999% sure it won’t. 

“Are you sure the straighteners are unplugged?” my brain mutters as we shuffle down the M6.

“Pretty sure … In fact, I didn’t even use the straighteners this morning!” I mutter back.

“Are you sure? I remember you straightening your hair this morning” my brain clearly hasn’t noticed that my hair is in a very messy bun that is probably harbouring pigeons and squirrels “you know they’ll set the house on fire right? They’ll start with the carpet and then the wallpaper and then the -”

“Brain … No … We didn’t use the straighteners, they are not on, they are not even plugged in, they are-” I may as well be shouting at a wall at this point.

“Is that a fire engine?! Shit, THE HOUSE! Turn around, TURN ROUND RIGHT NOW! Oh geez, my Stephen King collection! TURN AROUND DAMNIT!”

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I, Fidget

Alternative title: I like to move it, move it … I like to move it, move it … I like to FIDGET! Ok so that’s a total lie, I hate to fidget, but it seems to be my body’s automatic reaction to, well, pretty much anything! That pose that you do in yoga when you just lie on the floor (the rather happily named “Corpse Pose“), yep my toes are fussing in my little yoga socks. Watching that light-hearted comedy about hitting rock bottom before rising like the proverbial phoenix with fart jokes, yep I’m biting the skin around my nails. 

I can’t seem to stop fidgeting, in fact I’m pretty sure I even fidget in my sleep! I know I certainly grind my teeth in my sleep as I wake up with a jaw aching worse than the time I thought I could defeat one of those giant gob stoppers in my youth (swear those things were just rocks coated in sugary shit).

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Taking Time to Heal

Alternative title: When the arse end falls out of your world you sometimes just need to take a bit of time out to regroup, reassess and start again …

While I apologise for falling off the face of the earth without leaving a trail of breadcrumbs (in fairness I would probably have eaten them as I went), I did need the time away to get my shit together and to give my melancholy soul a swift kick up the jacksy. I’m hoping this post will signal my return to LHB HQ but I can’t say for certain as I don’t want to promise a schedule that I then can’t commit to in case I suddenly relapse into a grief breakdown and find myself bawling uncontrollably in a heap in the biscuit aisle at my local Tesco while shoveling custard creams into my mush as a group of old dears shake their heads and tut at my attire (usually a pair of boxers that have seen better days and a thread-bare t-shirt).

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