LHB Blog

A girl, a blog and a cactus named Pudding

Tag: mental health (Page 1 of 9)

Goodbye 2017, Hello 2018

Alternative title : I’m not about to pretend that 2017 was anything more than an utter shit storm of epic proportions … That said, while you can’t polish a turd, you can roll it in glitter! 

2017 began as a nightmare, a grief infused devastatingly painful experience that I’m still amazed I managed to get through … Losing my dad imprints on my every waking moment, but that very first day of 2017 will always be the one that will hurt the most. Waking from a massive stress driven Migraine with the dawning realisation that my world had changed forever and that nothing would ever fix that left me, in turn, broken beyond repair. It was an excruciating level of pain, every inch of me felt the emotional and physical repercussions of that grief. I wanted to stop feeling … And for a little while the feeling did stop and a quiet numbness took over.

A resigned numbness that this new reality was one I would have to accept and no amount of throwing myself on the floor in a shrieking stroppy mess would change that.

A numbness that made things bearable … Just.

Read More

Anything, everything and nothing

**Not sure if this needs a trigger warning or not but I always like to throw one out here just in case**

Alternative title: I’m sorry I haven’t been here much … I’ve been a little unwell … In fact, I’ve been a rather muddled mess! 

It’s been a while since I last posted on here; I hadn’t forgotten my little place on the internet or the words I have poured into it, I didn’t want to leave it neglected and to disappear into the ether, but I also didn’t feel like I could be here either … Recently my Anxiety, Depression, OCD, OCPD and Grief have all been taking turns to squish my insides, they’ve turned my thoughts into poison, my brain into a traitor and left me distraught at the prospect of another day walking with one or more of those demons clawing at me.

I needed the time out from here to heal up a bit.

I needed the time out from here to focus on what I needed.

I needed the time out from here to ask for help.

Read More

Hair Straighteners – An OCD Nightmare!

Alternative title: Messy hair don’t care! … Oh wait no, I do care … I care a flaming lot as it happens! Because it may avert a bitch-fest, I say may I’m 99.999999% sure it won’t. 

“Are you sure the straighteners are unplugged?” my brain mutters as we shuffle down the M6.

“Pretty sure … In fact, I didn’t even use the straighteners this morning!” I mutter back.

“Are you sure? I remember you straightening your hair this morning” my brain clearly hasn’t noticed that my hair is in a very messy bun that is probably harbouring pigeons and squirrels “you know they’ll set the house on fire right? They’ll start with the carpet and then the wallpaper and then the -”

“Brain … No … We didn’t use the straighteners, they are not on, they are not even plugged in, they are-” I may as well be shouting at a wall at this point.

“Is that a fire engine?! Shit, THE HOUSE! Turn around, TURN ROUND RIGHT NOW! Oh geez, my Stephen King collection! TURN AROUND DAMNIT!”

Read More

I, Fidget

Alternative title: I like to move it, move it … I like to move it, move it … I like to FIDGET! Ok so that’s a total lie, I hate to fidget, but it seems to be my body’s automatic reaction to, well, pretty much anything! That pose that you do in yoga when you just lie on the floor (the rather happily named “Corpse Pose“), yep my toes are fussing in my little yoga socks. Watching that light-hearted comedy about hitting rock bottom before rising like the proverbial phoenix with fart jokes, yep I’m biting the skin around my nails. 

I can’t seem to stop fidgeting, in fact I’m pretty sure I even fidget in my sleep! I know I certainly grind my teeth in my sleep as I wake up with a jaw aching worse than the time I thought I could defeat one of those giant gob stoppers in my youth (swear those things were just rocks coated in sugary shit).

Read More

Page 1 of 9

Powered by WordPress & Theme by Anders Norén