Alternative title : I achieved my life goal of becoming a pretzel and now I can retire to live by the sea and eat sand or some other shit that happens when life-goals are conquered … Wait, is eating sand part of a balanced diet now? Which food group would it even be in? Argh! 

Brain : “Stop! Where are you trying to put that foot?!”

Me : “Over by my thigh … ”

Brain : “Over by your … What? Why?!”

Me : “I’m trying to go full Lotus here!”

Brain : ” … What the heck is wrong with you?”

Me : “There. See! We managed it! We managed full Lotus! Aren’t you excited? This is awesome!”

Brain : “If I had a mouth I would have been sick into it … How has the knee not popped or … Actually it doesn’t matter. I don’t want to know. Don’t come crying to me if you’re now stuck you absolute tool”

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