LHB Blog

A girl, a blog and a cactus named Pudding

Tag: Placebo (Page 1 of 3)

The Girl with the Pink Docs

Alternative title: “Song to Say Goodbye” is playing, it was the song that had gently filtered through the car speaker system the night we sped to hospital knowing my dad would be breathing his final breaths within hours.”Song to Say Goodbye” is playing, tears are hot on my face, mascara traces left behind, betraying them to the world. “Song to Say Goodbye” is playing … And my heart is in pieces. 

I would follow them around the world if I could …

Because they make me feel alive.

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The Waiting Room

Alternative title: I’m in the midst of a grief fueled bawling session right in the middle of the GP’s waiting room … And that’s ok. 

I can’t stop it …Trust me I tried, well, kind of … But instead of managing to calm my system down I was merely managing choked sobs, the tears still fell, my body still shook, I wiped my nose on my sleeve (disgusting I know but the tissues were long gone and I was scared to move in case I locked myself in the toilets and missed my appointment while howling at the sanitary bin). One by one my fellow patients stood and moved as far away from me as they could, the men folding their arms and looking at the board detailing symptoms for STI’s as though it was the new “War and Peace“, the women tapping each other on the arms and whispering, possibly debating Brexit or something equally topical (not that I could hear them over my sniffles) … Not wanting to look, but watching all the same.

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Placebo – Manchester

**Because of the note at the bottom of the post I’m putting a warning up for this one as I’m talking about Cancer**

Alternative title: Music … A healer of sorts.

Over the weekend I found out that my dad has a tumour behind one of his eyes, yesterday I found out he also has shadowing on one of his lungs … He is on a 2 week waiting list to find out if either of those is “the big C” (as he can’t bring himself to call it cancer). It feels like a significant part of my world has shifted … A part I don’t want to shift … A shift filled with guttural shrieks of a pain I have never experienced before. A fear I have never experienced before. An anger I have never experienced before. An unknown.

And a need to feel a link to our bond, to ease the hurt of the possibilities … That link for me was Placebo celebrating their 20th Anniversary. That link, for me, was hearing Brian Molko singing “Nancy Boy“. As strange as that may seem.

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Moving House

Alternative title: We have the keys! I repeat – WE HAVE THE KEYS! THIS IS NOT A DRILL PEOPLE! 

We also have no internet … I know right?! How archaic! So in the meantime I’m snaffling my parents internet under the pretense of needing to put 31 years worth of shit (not literal shit obviously) into cardboard boxes. Quite frankly it would be a faster process if I didn’t feel the need to read random pages of books I haven’t seen since 1993 that had been hidden away in the backs of various shelving units. I fear I own a library’s worth of literature that I now need to cart about.

I may also have had a moment (or two) in which I started hugging my Molecular Cell Biology book and crying about what might have been if I’d carried on in academia.

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