LHB Blog

A girl, a blog and a cactus named Pudding

Tag: spoonie (Page 1 of 7)

Shoulder goes POP!

**Not really a trigger warning … More of a squeamish warning**

Alternative title: My shoulder has this amazingly cool ability to just pop out of it’s socket whenever it damn well pleases … Ok so it’s more of a ‘freaking disgusting’ ability but you know, it’s following it’s dreams or some such crap so I’m trying to be supportive (i.e. physically holding it in place at times) … Ok so it’s not an ability at all, and it probably wouldn’t dream of such a skill (if shoulders could dream obviously), it’s actually something called subluxation … And I’ve been told it’s a rather naff party trick as it makes people a little green and queasy. 

Still it’s something I’ve been able to do since my teens (which are oh so far away now! – Trust me, it’s not entirely a bad thing though I do miss my bright purple flares) and it’s never really given me any grief … Until the other week when all of a sudden I found I could no longer move my arm …  At all. I still have diddly squat idea on just how the heck I managed to do that amount of damage without noticing, you would think there would have been some sort of alarm bells ringing somewhere given the pain levels … But nope. Naff all. Not a vegetarian sausage.

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The Lotus Pose

Alternative title : I achieved my life goal of becoming a pretzel and now I can retire to live by the sea and eat sand or some other shit that happens when life-goals are conquered … Wait, is eating sand part of a balanced diet now? Which food group would it even be in? Argh! 

Brain : “Stop! Where are you trying to put that foot?!”

Me : “Over by my thigh … ”

Brain : “Over by your … What? Why?!”

Me : “I’m trying to go full Lotus here!”

Brain : ” … What the heck is wrong with you?”

Me : “There. See! We managed it! We managed full Lotus! Aren’t you excited? This is awesome!”

Brain : “If I had a mouth I would have been sick into it … How has the knee not popped or … Actually it doesn’t matter. I don’t want to know. Don’t come crying to me if you’re now stuck you absolute tool”

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Puzzle Pieces

Alternative title : I’m sure there is a sadistic asshole who removes one of the central pieces from jigsaws in order to test the recipients patience … I mean, it’s all well and good having everything else in order but if you can’t complete it you kinda feel like you’re missing something significant, even if it is just Snoopy’s inane grin. 

If you read my last post you’ll be aware that I’ve been a little bit up shit creak without a paddle recently … My Mental Health has taken a nose dive and my Migraines have taken that opportunity to thoroughly kick my backside. There is nothing quite like being blind in your right eye at 4am while your Anxiety runs through a multitude of possible reasons for it (courtesy of Google’s Guide to Self Diagnosing) while the actual cause (the sneaky Migraine) smirks away in the darkness at the ensuing panic … Loki has nothing on those evil cretins!

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Home Sweet Home

Alternative title: I have acquired so much tat and crap in all my years on this earth that I am standing amongst the ruins of many a textbook, items of clothing and magazines filled with bullpoop on how to lose weight with the dawning realisation that I am going to need another skip. 

I am practically on first name terms with the guys and gals at our local recycling plant, I rock up with my car filled to the brim with 1980’s newspapers and an assortment of garments I haven’t worn since I was last out of my tree on Cider and Black (ah, the drink of champions) or bladdered on red wine (which is the drink of sophisticated champions  … Who like to ride bucking broncos and drink cocktails out of bartenders trousers … I was a student ok!).

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