Alternative title: I confess…I’ve fallen off the decaf wagon and am currently running on a hyper-wired brain looking for it’s next caffeine hit. This is not a good situation…
“Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coff-” my brain is on loop.
“Not right now, we need to finish this bit of work” I tap at the keyboard in a futile attempt at concentration.
“-ee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coff-”
“Seriously you don’t need anymore vending machine coffee…” It’s true, my brain really didn’t.
“Actually, do we even know what’s in that vending machine coffee? It could be sugar laden and pumped full of all sorts of milk substitutes that quite frankly have never even seen a cow…Is there even a label on that machine telling us what the heck is in it? I should check…It’s the only way of really knowing…”
“Coff- I mean, totally…It’s for the good of our -coffee – health…Bring some change too!”
My brain is a crafty shit.
Life has recently decided to be a right pain in the ringer…It started with long, stressful hours at work…These long hours soon trickled into working my weekends. It seems to be the way of the world that if you work in a close vicinity to any Customer Services or Sales Department (despite being neither) you will be dragged into the underbelly of humanity with every phone call consisting of shouting regarding things you have no control over and demands that you can’t accommodate (which results in more shouting and sometimes swearing).
My body then fell foul of a second bout of Cholera (not really) in under a year which left me with a stomach only willing to ‘compromise’ (aka it wouldn’t order a blow out) with certain stodgy foods packed full of absolute rubbish. This left me with a bout of fatigue so strong that I thought my Thyroid had decided to jump on the nearest plane to Magaluf for a jolly leaving my sluggish immune system researching just what the heck it was dealing with! (Gotta love being Hypothyroid).
Stupidly, instead of realising that my body was probably badly dehydrated and needed water, I opted for coffee. My 1 coffee as a treat (usually when having a meal out) became nearly 6-7 coffees a day pretty much overnight. I didn’t just fall off that decaf wagon, I face-planted in the road in a fuzzy caffeinated haze while those still on-board flipped the bird at me.
The funny thing is, I didn’t even enjoy the coffee…It tasted bitter. It tasted of shame. I didn’t really want it, so why was I drinking it? Had my previous addiction flared from the second or third cup of the day and propelled me to much higher and higher intakes? Is that really all it would take?
Was it habit? A comfort thing perhaps? Or maybe a coping mechanism for a stressful time?
Standing in front of the mirror glancing at my (newly broken out) face, the bags hanging under my (very blood shot) eyes, the slightest glimpses of wrinkles (it’s possible – I am nearly 30 and I frown a lot!), I realised that falling off the wagon was what I had expected in the beginning when I created the Resolution. I remembered how difficult it had been to get to one coffee as an occasional treat, how foggy my brain had been, how rubbish I had felt physically and mentally…
It was a blip…A ‘lovely’ reminder that coffee and I have a love-hate relationship that has now tipped towards me loving the idea of coffee (and the smell, ah the smell) more than actually drinking it (totally didn’t see that coming).
It’s time to get back on track.
It’s time to break out the (Decaf) Green Tea…
How many of you have had ‘New Years Resolution’ blips? And how many of you have totally ditched them? Are any of you folks so motivated that you managed to keep them without slipping once?