Alternative title: Which sadistic cretin created Spinning class?! My word that shit is pure EVIL!
“I’m dying…” I pant.
“No you’re not” T said “just increase the resistance for this bit”.
“I can’t feel my legs!” I whinge as I lean forwards.
“They will go a little bit like jelly with this hill climb” she reassured me.
“I’m pretty sure I just chundered in my mouth” I was pretty positive about this but couldn’t prove it.
“Told you I’m dying!” It seriously felt like it.
I spent the remainder of the evening considering going all Bear Grylls and surviving on my instincts (read as: peeing in the sink and sleeping on the kitchen floor to avoid having to walk upstairs…Oh yeah, born survivor me).
I knew Spinning class would be difficult, I knew it would hurt like absolute hell…What I didn’t expect was for my ass to end up saddle sore (is this normal or do I have a bony ass?), for my heart to be in utter panic mode (I could hear it shrieking “mother of God what the frick is wrong with you?!” from my chest) and for my arms to feel as though I’d gone a couple of rounds with Rocky (seriously, I thought this was a pure leg thing!). I also realised that what I mean by ‘rest’ (lying face down on the sofa after pigging out on popcorn without any possibility of moving for the next couple of hours) and what the instructor means by ‘rest’ (keep peddling as though you’re taking part in the damned Olympics without crying like a wussy cow) are two totally different things!
In that one hour I uttered every swear word in my vocabulary…And uttered a few swear words in different languages…And uttered a few swear words I made up as the resistance was pushed to maximum.
But I survived…Which means all bets are off!
You would think I had completed a marathon with how proud I was of myself for finishing that class…I trudged to the car a la John Wayne (aka the “I’ve pooped myself so badly my undercrackers can’t contain the turdage” walk) with a massive grin on my face (which may have been due to either the endorphins rushing through the system or me being hysterical about my near death experience hour).
I have a vague recollection of me saying to the receptionist “same time next week?” so I must have been totally puddled (I’m not backing out by the way…I’m going to try this class again…I know, I’m bloody daft for even considering it).
I should also point out that discussing spinning class in public can sound incredibly rude…For example, I have said (rather loudly) “I have chafing on my ass!” and “it was that ruddy hard my legs went to jelly” in the middle of Tesco…Someone, somewhere, will probably be tweeting this as a TMI Tuesday or something (is TMI Tuesday a thing? If not it needs to be!).
So folks, what is the most difficult exercise class you have attended? How did you push through the pain? And how many attempts at the class did you undertake before deciding if it was a keeper?
PS – After reading the title how many of you started singing “Dead or Alive: You Spin Me Round“? I had no idea it was released in 1985…This song is as old as I am! What do you mean I’m old you cheeky sods?!